About Pets

I had a dog once. It was named Jackie. I don't know why I named it that. I don't know if it was male or a female, I never bothered checking underneath. I'm not that much into dogs. Actually I hate dogs. It's hard to sleep with all that barking going around. I don't like unpredictable animals, like dogs and cats. You never know if they're just going to cuddle with you or they're coming to cut your throat. You know what I like? I like fish. Fish don't bark. Fish won't mess up your hard earned sleep. As long as you don't keep your fishbowl next to your bed, you're fine. You don't want to wake up and look at the fish first thing in the morning. She'd be just floating there, looking at you with them big old eyes, thinking god knows what. It makes you uncomfortable. Some say dogs are the most intelligent animals in existence. I disagree politely. Just because they can be taught to bark twice when asked how much is one plus one doesn't mean they're smart. Fish on the other side is as smart as it gets. Just think about it. What does a fish do most of the time? Fish is never bored, never thirsty. Food practically falls into her mouth. Fish doesn't really need to do anything. Fish has got all the time in the world to think. And think she does. Don't let them fool you. They just play dumb. They're good actors. That's why I like them. But the main reason why I like fish is because fish doesn't give a shit. You can flush her down the toilet, or you can buy her a fishbowl made of gold, she doesn't care. She knows more than anybody else how to play it cool. Just like me on Saturday night when I return home drunk. I turn the TV on, but I don't change the channel. Whatever is on there is good enough for me. My wife wakes up to yell at me, but her words sound like a lullaby. Then I look at my fish. I swear to god she winks at me. Like she's trying to tell me, yes, this is how I feel all the time. Fish knows that getting excited is not good for health. And let me tell you this, fish will outlive us all. One day when our mankind becomes just a bad memory in earth's history books, fish will finally cut her act. She'll probably start laughing so hard, that she'll almost choke. Almost.