Hell is The 'Single' People Around You
I have a very good friend, and until recently we both shared in an odd but satisfying hobby: Relishing the roaring resentment we both felt due to our pitiful loneliness. Thankfully, she has just bagged herself a boyfriend, and a cool one at that. But seeing as she has very good manners and in order not to make me feel bad about my continued exclusion from the attractions of the female, she is trying very hard not to gloat about it.
I however feel otherwise; I think if you have successfully escaped from the dark depths of describing any action of yours as singular, you should boast about it. Actually, you shouldn’t shut up about it. Rejoice in the fact that you have someone; you have that person you can unload all your weird mannerisms, quirks and habits on to and relax knowing that he/she will take those habits and cherish them as part of you.
Being very honest, I think is a good thing, just don’t do it so much that it starts to annoy. Some advice: when the person you are talking to starts looking around for something sharp you know it’s time to put down the trumpet. But until that moment, please brag all you want, you deserve it
So my good friend this is what I want you to do: Refer to the fact that you are in a relationship in every conversation that comes up whether relevant or not.
For example:
“Did you know Jean-Paul Sartre said ‘Hell is the ‘single’ people around you.’?”
Or
“Well now I have a boyfriend, I understand the intricacies of the Marxist theory, but also realise its disregard for free will. Thank goodness, for my man, huh”
Or you can adopt the exclamation
“Oh, for the sake of being a couple”
Not forgetting the clichéd
“Relationships are hard work.”
You see, without doing a bit of boasting, no one will ever know you’re happy. So go out there with your head held high, confident in the knowledge that everyone in the world is a sad, lonely, misanthropic pleb except for you.
