At some point in my life I decided to not be good at anything. Everything is too much work! I wanted to be an actor on Broadway. A successful play can run for 20 years, which means I'd have to repeat the same lines, maybe twice a day, 7 days a week for TWENTY YEARS! Ohhh, no, no, no! I'd kill myself first.
How about being in the movies? Well, before going into production, a good actor will eat, sleep, and become the character he's about to play. That's gotta be really annoying for family members. I imagine Ben Affleck walking around the house while endlessly repeating, "I'm the Batman! I'm the Batman! I'm the Batman!" Which is why I imagine his wife (Jennifer Garner) kept saying, "I want a divorce! I want a divorce! I want a divorce!"
Even worse is when it's Halle Berry about to play Cat Woman. "I'm Cat Woman! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! HISSSSS!" Who could stand a couple months of that?!
This is what I imagine would happen:
ANIMAL PROTECTION AGENCY
Halle's son [points to mom]: Yeah, um, I don't want this animal anymore.
Clerk: Sir, that's a human being.
Halle's son: Tell him, mom.
Halle: I'm Cat woman! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW HISSSSS!
Agent: For $200 dollars we can put her down right away for you.
I think being a comedian is the worst career in the entertainment industry. No matter where you go there's always someone that says, "So, you're a comedian, eh? Say something funny."
That never happens with people in any other field. "So, you're an actor, eh? Play Batman." "So, you're a dentist, eh? Show me how you drill a cavity."
No sirree, I'll stay a manual laborer, thank you, which means I've been a successful failure throughout all of my life.
