Good evening; my name is Amanda and I am mentally I'll-yep life's great-you?
Before beginning I should mention the obvious; now that you know of my illness it would be completely inappropriate to laugh at anything I say...I'll sue your ass. Wait a minute...feel free to laugh..I could use the money.
Let me tell you a little secret about people with mental illness that you might not know; we know that a lot of what we say and do is fucked...absolutely fucked....we just can't help ourselves.
Let me give you an example. When I was in graduate school in the psychology program nonetheless I developed a fear of socks that came from anywhere but the third aisle at Dollarama. I was absolutely convinced that unless I was wearing what I eventually deemed my "magical study socks" that I could not do any work. Even more crazy was the fact that I stored my study socks in an automobile trash bin that I had attached to my desk chair. Now remember...Master's in Psychology.
In the words of my brother "phobias are fucked". Let me assure you though that mental illness is not as horrid as it may seem. Even mental illness has its perks. I try to look at my glass of booze as half full. For beginners, people with MHI's get the best drugs-I know this because I sell half the shit I'm on. Second...thanks to stigma and discrimination and all the motherfuckers out there who think that people with mental health issues are stupid and unable to help themselves, I can commit any number of crimes and get away with them. All I have to say is "I'm fucked in the head me couldn't help myself."
I could go on but I don't want to brag or make you jealous or anything.
Thanks for coming out tonight and laughing at me. I'll see you after the show to get your contact info so I can sue all of your asses.
