The Zoo

Hi, everyone, how we doin' tonight?  Goody. So, how many people here have ever been to the zoo? Alright, well at the zoo I go to, the elephants know me reeeaaal well. So, what I'm about to tell all of you happened when I was 7 or 8. My parents woke me.up real early and said,"Guess what? We're going to the zoo!" Ooh yay, I thought. I get to see animals who would get a do not resuscitate and then jump off the empire state if they could, all crowded together, littler kids than me screaming and crying, and smell a bunch of SHIT. I can't wait! The only reason I didn't get back in bed is because I heard the words Ice Cream,  making me bolt to the kitchen. Because lets face it, ice cream is universally loved by all ages. If an alien was bent on world destruction, we could stop them with one of those gallon tubs of ice cream. Anyhow, my parents got me to go to the zoo. At first, it wasn't that bad. No little kids, no shit, and no suicidal penguins. And yes, I was talking about the penguins back there. They get taken from their nice slightly melting homes, and are then thrown into this sweaty, shit filled place where little snot nosed brats and parents who couldn't care less. So I'm walking around having an okay time, but I come across this wall. I can't see over it , but the stool put my waist over it. So I'm standing on the stool trying to find the animal, and this little FUCKER decides to walk up behind me,and flip me into the exhibit! I land on my ass in the bushes, still stunned. I get up, looking for a way out, when I finally see the animal. And you know what it is. The elephant. nd guess what it's in front of? The exit. The elephant then lays down IN FRONT OF THE EXIT. Lucky me. I spent a good 30 minutes down there, chatting with an elephant. Eventually, they get a rope ladder and pull me up out of there.