A man walks into the reception of a local Hospital Man "Excuse me? Excuse me? Is there someone in charge i can speak to?"
Receptionist
"You'll need to speak to the Ward manager, can i take a name ?"
Man
"Tom, Tom Browning"
Receptionist
"If you'd like to take a seat Mr Browning"
Mr Browning takes a seat, before long the Ward Manager arrives
Ward Manager
"Mr Browning?"
Man
"Yes"
Ward Manager
"I'm Deborah Smart the Ward Manager at St Thomas' Hospital, I understand you wanted to see me ?"
Man
"That's right, me and my girl freind came here the other day and we got this"
Mr Browning takes a baby scan photo out of his pocket and hands it over to the Ward Manager
WM
"Ah, adorable, you must be excited , how long to go now ?"
Man
"I dunno, but look at the photo"
WM
"Ok, have you noticed something?"
Man
"Noticed something? Are you blind?"
WM
"Ok, err, nothing immediately comes out at me but if you 've seen something of concern we'll speak to Maternity straight away, who is your GP?"
Man
"You don't need to speak to our doctor, it's obvious isn't it?"
WM
"Ok, at the risk of appearing ignorant,what should I be looking at?"
Man
"Jesus, no wonder the National Health Service is on it's knees. Look at it, you can barely see it, it's all grainy and black and white , i mean would you be happy getting a photo like this from Snappy Snaps?"
WM
"Oh, it's the quality of the photo you're complaining about, i thought you'd seen something on the scan that was worrying"
Man
"I am worried, very worried"
WM
"Yes but i thought you were concerned about the health of your baby"
Man
"Well that might be bad as well, who knows, I mean it's like looking into a bloody sauna. There could be all manner of stuff going on, he might have a tail or summit"
WM
"That's very unlikely. Mr Browning but i can get a second opinion"
Man
"Are you calling me a liar?"
WM
"No , cetainly not, but were there any deformaties you would have been consulted before now"
Man
"Not the tail, the rubbish photo"
WM
"But this is how scan photos look"
Man
"You mean this isn't a one off"
WM
"No this is how all baby scans photos appear, what were you expecting?"
Man
"Well maybe a little bit of colour"
WM
"This is standard technology, after all we're not developing hoiday snaps"
Man
"Yeah but you can't see anything"
WM
"Well what did you want to see?"
Man
"I don't know, maybe a wave or something"'
WM
"A wave ? From a fetus?"
Man
"Oi, his name's going to be Philip, after my dad , none of those Irish names like what you just said"
WM
"Mr Browning, these photos are there just to indicate that baby is growing"
Man
"I know it's growing , you should see the size of my girlfreind"
WM
"The scan is a snap shot of how things are progressing with the birth , it's like when you put a camera down your throat or if you're unblocking a drain. It's the same technology"
Man
"Isn't that a bit unhygenic?"
WM
"What is ?"
Man
"Unblocking drains in a hospital"
WM
"No, we don't unblock drains here we just use the same equipment"
Man
"Urgh , you mean you've been fiddling around in my girlfreind's bits with equipment you use to clean a drain"
WM
"It's not the exact same equipment Mr Browning. Look this is a standard NHS baby scan photo. We can do another one for you but it won't be any clearer. And i'm sure you wouldnt want to see a rise in your taxes to pay for colour baby scan photos?
Man
"Well if this standard for the whole country i think people should know. I was listening to the Health Secretary on the radio , maybe i should write to him and let him know the quality of photos concerned parents are being given"
WM
"Of course you are well within your rights to do that"
Man
"And I'm going to tell the health secretary something else aswell"
WM
"Ok and what is that?"
Mr Browning holds up the baby scan photo again
Man
"Theft. Somone in this hospital and i don't know who it is , but someone has stolen my son's hair and I'm going to find out. you watch out, just watch it"
Mr Browning storms out of the Hospital
