B: Bailiff
J: Judge
D: defendant
DL: Defendant's Lawyer
P: Prosecutor
PL: Prosecutor's lawyer
W: Witness
B: All rise for the honorable Judge Person.
( everyone stands but the judge doesn't come)
B: Uh Judge Person? Well let's try this again. All rise for the honorable-
J: Sorry I'm late I was at a burger king. The case is murder?
B: Yep
J:Well let's take roll call to make sure everyone is here. Plaintiff?
P:Here.
J: Prosecuting lawyer?
PL: Here
J: Defending lawyer?
DL: Here
J: Defendant? Defendant? Defendant?! Where is she?
DL: I don't know.
D: Sorry I'm late traffic was murder.(Laughs evilly) Um I'm just gonna take my seat now.
DL: Good idea
J: All right everyone is here. Let us begin.(Bangs gavel)
PL: Don't bang it so loud!
J: You think this is loud? I'll show you loud!(Plugs gavel in an amp)
B: I hardly think this is court worthy.
J: I hate this gavel.(Throws gavel away and gets out guitar) Are you ready to rock?!?!
D: Can we get on with the case?
PL & DL: Play free bird!
J:Wait I forgot the case
PL: well Ashley Nachios Killed my Client Carley's Baby brother!
DL: She did not!
PL: Yo mamma
Dl: What?
PL: I said Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
DL: Well your mamma is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound!
B: Shouldn't we stop this?
PL: Stay out of this officer doughnuts
J: Order in the court!(Bangs guitar and it breaks) Aw man this was signed by Slash.(Tearfully) Now where were we?
PL: You were about to allow a recess.
J: I never said that!
Pl: I think you need time to mourn you're loss.
J: Fine
(Judge cries and everyone leaves slowly)
the next scene
(Everyone enters court again)
J: Hey guys check out my new gavel
D: That is just a Pencil
J: Shut Up!!!(Bangs gavel twice and then it breaks)Damn you EBay (shaking fist in the air).
P: We never truly discussed the case.
J: Fine I'll use my fist as a gavel. Plaintiff just call your witness now.
PL: Gladly. We call Edward guy to the stand!
W: I've seen some things man something's no human should every go through!
PL: What did you see?
W: I've seen ... I've seen...
PL: What?!?!
W: A show called two and a half men!(sobs, and walks away)
D: I like that show.
PL: which is why you are the murderer!
D: that doesn't even make sense!
J: I'll have to side with the prosecution. You liked a show with a coked up maniac on it. That's just inhuman
PL: We rest you're honor.(Whispering Loudly) I think we are going to win.
DL: Excuse me your honor but can we call Edward back to the stand?
J: Go ahead
W:I was just up here!
DL: I know but-
W: Make it quick I want a taco!
Dl: OK. Now Edward have you actually seen the murder?
W: Yes
DL: Really? When?
W: Last Friday.
(D's eyes darting back and forth)
PL: your client seems worried is there something wrong?
D:(Nervously) No nothing is wrong!
(Paper airplane flies in)
J: Who is throwing a paper airplane in my court room?
D: It's fine I got it!(Opens paper plane)
Plane writing says: I know what you did last Friday and last Sunday! If you don't confess I'll get you!
D: Wow he knows how much I weigh.(another paper plane flies in D catches it)
Plane writing: No! The murder just confess or else!
(Everyone but D): What does it say?
D: Oh it's nothing just the um husband telling me that it is steak and game night.
DL: This is good keep going.
D: Well you see I am a mother with 24 kids.
J: 24?
D: Yes but 2 of them are adopted and the other is just a panda I bought from the zoo.
J: What?
D: And they are all boys!
J: Wow!
D: Also they have the same birthday. My birthday!
DL: This is gold I see him shaking in his size 2's
J: Prosecution do you have anything to say about this?
P: yes, 24 kids?!?!
D: Technically 21 kids
P: Still did you name them all?
D: Yes their names are in order in which they were born. John, Joe, Chris, Jared, Peter, Jeff, How many are there, Ben, Matt, Chuck, Josh, Tom, Jesus make it stop, Cory, Trent, Brad, Chowder, Flapjack, Bubba, Eddie, and Damn what the hell?
P: Dang
D: And the adopted ones are Toby, Pickles, and the panda is Twinkle.
J: Wait why do you have their names written on your hand?
D: Could you memorize 24 names?
J: No I guess not.
P: How do not have your own TV show?
D: Well ever since "John and Kate + 8" People never really care for people with many kids shows anymore.
J: I'm Sorry I tuned out What were their names again?
D: John, Joe, Chris, Jared, Peter, Jeff, How many are there, Ben, Matt, Chuck, Josh, Tom, Jesus make it stop, Cory, Trent, Brad, Chowder, Flapjack, Bubba, Eddie, Damn what the hell, Toby, Pickles, and Twinkle.
J: Again Wow.
DL: We got this case in the bag! No sane person would sent a mother with 23 kids and a panda go to jail!
PL: The defendant is a Liar!
J: I Don't think so
DL: We rest your honor.
PL: This is crazy!
J: Are you a kid & panda hater
PL: Well, no
J: Then shut it! Also we need to stop! we can't go 5 seconds without something obviously hilarious happening!
(Clown walks in wearing a clown nose and Honks it)
PL: Can we have a recess?
J: You have already called a recess
PL: But all the other judges let their lawyers have 2 recess's. And there is a jungle gym in the park over there.
J: I don't care what the other judges are doing! You are not going to have another recess!
PL:(Rolling on the floor crying)Waa! Jungle Gym! Jungle Gym!(Knocks over suitcase it opens and spills)
J: So that is what is in there. 2 mints a comb and episodes 4, 5, and 6 of Star Wars.
PL: Yeah I'm not the best lawyer otherwise I wouldn't be rolling on your filthy floor Crying for a jungle Gym. I wanna go to the jungle gym!
J: Shut up! You are a 37 year old man!
PL: Actually I'm 40!
J: That makes it worse!
PL: I Don't have to take it you aren't my real Dad! (Runs Out of court)
J: Weird, Bailiff go get 'em.
B: On it (Runs out after Pl)
J: This has got to be the weirdest court ever. Anyway you can present anymore of your case Defend-
PL:(Being Pushed By Bailiff) No! I do not want to stay! No!
J: There you are I promise you can go to the jungle gym after we have reached a verdict.
PL: I hate you!
J: Hey! Shut up!
PL: Can we just finish this now? I'm Hungry!
W:(Holding Food) Hot Dogs! Get your Hot Dogs here!
PL: Nah I am in the mood for something a little more breakfasty.
W: Cereal! Get your super dry not wet at all!
DL: I'll have some. Yummy.
PL: No I hate marshmallows.
W: Pop Tarts Absolutely cold! Kept them in the freezer! May or may not contain rat poison!
PL: Perfect! Judge you want anything?
J: Are you asking me to purchase very expensive food items?
PL: They are 25 cents each, and I'll even buy you one.
J: Okay I want a corn dog. No wait we really need do discuss the case no more distractions!
PL:(Gets out Keyboard and Don't Stop Believing Play) ? Just a small town girl, living in a lonely wor-
J: COPYRIGHT DON'T SING IT! WE WILL GET SUED!!!
PL: Alright ?Just a small town lawyer, Who really hates his employer. He's been working on this case for far too long. Just a city chick beats her brother with a stick. Somebody called me up and hired me.(DL plays short guitar interlude) 2 lawyers in this court room, ready to send the chick to her doom, She committed this crime and this case goes on and on and on. People waiting, Possibly even debating. They're hoping for a guilty verdict. Guilty people Killing just to annoy people. Killing sometime in NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! Working hard to make this case go on. I swear I'm usually withdrawn. She is paying me anything to convict this bitch. I will win, you will lose. Have you heard the news? Oh she killed the guy this case goes on and on and on People waiting, Possibly even debating. They're hoping for a guilty verdict. Guilty people Killing just to annoy people. Killing sometime in NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.(DL plays Guitar Solo) She killed some guy. She is telling liiiiiiieeessss. Guilty People. She killed some guy. VOTE GUILTY.( slowly music fades out) Guilty People. She killed some guy VOTE GUILTY FOR ME PLEASE(Music completely gone)?
J: Alright 1st: that was terrible, you are a horrible singer and writer 2nd: Stop stalling this case and 3rd: You're a horrible singer and writer
PL: You said I'm a horrible singer and writer twice
J: I know. Now SHUT UP!
PL: But-
J: No butts!
PL: So I can't play or have a butt?
J: Oh my god he is so stupid!
PL: No because I know my ABC's ? A,B,P,K, uh R ?
J:Is there anyone on Earth Who is stupider than him?
(Silence)
DL: Madonna?
J: Yes but it was a rhetorical question.
D: I think I'm going to Jail.
J: Yes, unless you have the most convincing story ever! You know, something to get the entire court's attention! Something so outrageously court rule breaking it saves your butt!
D: That'd be cool but I can't do that.
J: Oh well then just call someone to the stand then.
D: We will call someone to the stand you would never guess.
J: Who?
D: George Lopez! Hey, Where is he?
DL: Yeah we couldn't afford to have a comedian vouch for ya so we call Carley Delarosa!(Carley gets on stand)Now Carley you claim my client killed your brother.
P: Which she did! How can you represent a witch?
DL: she is not the witch you are! Accusing Ashley! How dare you, How dare you!
P: You know what?
DL: What?
P: Fight!(Slaps DL)
DL: I rest Your honor.
P: Coward!
DL: I am not!
P:(sarcastically) Sure You aren't.
J: Just sit down Carley.
DL: Whoa wait a second here. Now as you all just saw she changed the subject with fighting references and gestures. I think she is just trying to cover up the fact that she killed her baby brother Anthony Delarosa and framed a worthless smelly completely broke hobo.
D: Hey!
DL: Do you want to stay out of jail or what?
D: I'll be good.
DL: Anyway my client should be dropped of all charges!
J: Then she is not guilty.
D: (Laughing crazily) I'm free I'm really free!(Picks up a pencil and stabs everyone but J, PL, and DL)
DL: Huh I guess she did do it.
PL:(hovering over P's Body while she is barely alive) Can I ask you one last question?
P: What?
PL: Do I still get paid?(P dies) NOOOOOOO!(DL plays death march on guitar)Hey mind taking that outside I'm having a moment here.
DL: fine(running after D) Wait you owe me 90k!(comes back) She paid me with monopoly money.
PL:(Don't stop believing plays again) ?Don't stop believing! ?
THE END.
D:(voice over) I'm gonna get you! In your sleep!
THE END?
Hi
THE END.
(For real this time)
