Hard Pressed Conference (In a community centre in the North of England , members of the police force are busily preparing for a press conference, members of the assorted local press are in attendance . After some time a spokesman for the police steps forward to address the waiting reporters)
Spokesman
" Thank you for coming out this evening ladies and gentlemen on such a wet and windynight, we don't anticipate keeping you too long, i shall now pass you over to Detective Inspector David Langton who will now conduct the press conference. If we could ask for questions at the end after Detective Inspector Langton has spoken. Thank you. Detective Inspector .........."
(The Detective Inspecor walks forward to speak)
Detective Inspector
" At 3.45 pm this afternoon ourofficers were called to an incidentin the Leesthorpe area of the city, attending the scene of the incident a man was found unconcious in his front garden with blood visible on his head and neck. The man was taken to the Royalinfirmary and his condition was described as serious but stable. We would ask if anyone in theLeesthorpe area between 13.00 and 17.00 this evening saw anything could they telephone the incident room on 01345 200172 and ask for either myself DI Langton or my colleague Detective Constable Chris Taylor who are heading up the investigation. Thank you"
(The detective takes his seat and the spokesman steps forward)
Spokesman
" Thank you Detective Langton, we will now take questions"
Reporter 1
" Do we know who made the 999 call, was it a member of the man's family?"
DI
" From what we understand the man lives alone and we are currently trying to get hold of members of his family and also trace the person who made the 999 call"
Reporter 2
" Is there any motive for the attack?"
DI
" We are not ruling out the possibility of this being a criminal offenceneither are we confirming that foul play has occurred, investigations are ongoing and once we know more we will let you know"
Reporter 1
" So there isno motive for the attack?"
DI
" As i say investigations are ongoing and once we know more we will issue a press release"
Reporter 3
" How old do we think the man is?"
DI
" Based on reports from our officers at the scene we believe the man is between 30and 45 years old"
Reporter 1
" Any indication of what the man does for a living?"
DI
" As i say we hope to ascertain all such information through our investigations"
Reporter 2
" Any signs of the man being under the influence of drugs or alcohol?"
DI
" Once again, we hope to release any details of any tests in due course"
Reporter 3
" From the initial reports by the officers at the scene, was there any indication of a forced entry to the man's home "
DI
" Investigations in that area are ongoing"
Reporter 3
" Or a struggle even?"
DI
" Investigations ............."
Reporter 1 (growing apathy)
" Don't tell us,ongoing "
(The detective gives a slightly embarassed smile, the spokesman gets to his feet)
Spokesman
" Ok, any more questions ?"
(silence)
Spokesman
" Ok, well thank you once again for turning out on such an inclement night, just a reminder that the incident phone number in this case is 01345 200172 . We will of course arrange another press conference when we have more details to release. Thank you"
(The spokeman and the Detective stand up and begin to shuffle off , theres dicontented murmuring amongst the pack of reporters , murmuring eventually punctured by one of the reporters anger)
Reporter 2
" Is that it ?"
(Spokesman and Detective turning back)
Spokesman
" Excuse me ?"
Reporter 2
" Is that all you're going to say ?"
Spokesman
" Sorry did you have another question?"
Reporter 2
" No, it's just that you havent really told us anything"
DI
" Well investigations are ongoing"
Reporter 2
" We know that , that 's the problem"
(The spokesman and the detective look at each othe blankly)
Reporter 3
" What he means is we've been here for 45 minutes and all you've told us is some bloke with bood on his head was taken to hospital"
DI
" We can'tvery well give you information that we don't have"
Reporter 1
" Well you're the police aren't you? Arent you supposed to find stuff out "
DI
" With respect the incident only happened a couple ofhours ago "
Reporter 2
" So it happened at 4 pm then?"
DI
" Excuse me ?"
Reporter 2
" You said a couple of hours, a couple is normally two and it's 6 pm now "
DI (baffled)
" Ok, it was a figure of speech , I mean a few hours a go"
Reporter 2
" So it was 3 hours ago?"
DI
" Look I'm not prepared to confirm anything at this stage"
Audible moans and groans from the press
DI
" Look I'm sorry that this if frustrating but i won't release any information without properly checking all the facts. Anything i do say would be just speculation and i'm not prepared to do that "
Reporter 1
" Why not ? "
DI
" I beg your pardon?"
Reporter 1
" Why not speculate? "
( The DI struggles to find an answer)
Reporter 1 (angry)
" Look, I had to cancel our restaurant reservation to come here tonight, it's my 20th wedding anniversary, we were going to the early bird at The King's Arms. They do Creme Brulee. I like Creme Brulee"
Reporter 2
" Yeah and I've come from Scarborough"
Reporter 3
" And I've not had a cigarette for over an hour "
Spokesman (bluntly)
" Well no offence but no one forced you to come "
Reporter 1
" My paper did. "
Reporter 2
" And mine "
Reporter 3
" Me too "
(The focus is now on reporter 4)
Reporter 4
" Err, i just came because i thought the Prime Minister might have been shot"
Reporter 1
" You can't very well invite all the local press down here ............"
Reporter 2
" And Scarborough"
Reporter 1
" And Scarborough and then tell us nothing"
Spokesman
" I think we've finished for the night"
(The Spokesman and the DI attempt to leave, as tbey do so one of the reporters runs to the front door and blocks the entrance to the community centre )
Spokesman
" Excuse me , will you let us past"
Reporter 1
" You're going nowhere until you give us something"
Spokesman
" This is ridiculous , out of the way "
Reporter 1
" No"
(The Spokesman walks forward and tries to place his hand on the door handle )
Spokesman (shouting)
" Out of the way or ..."
Reporter 1
" Or you'll what , call the police ? "
(There's a collective chuckle )
Reporter 2 (sarcastic)
" I've got a pen and some paper so they can, you know,make some notes "
laughter
Reporter 3 (saracastic)
" Shall i phone the incident number and give them directions to find us "
Reporter 2
" They'd still get lost "
More laughter
Reporter 1
" They'd catch us red handed and still say they had nothing to go on"
Reporter 4
" Yeah my local Dog Walker has got more leads"
(Silence)
Reporter 4
" Sorry"
(The DI tries to quell the developing situation)
DI
" Look you've made your thoughts clear, actions like this are not going to resolve anything. I've told you all I'm prepared to tell you , so rather than having this matter escalate further, I'm respectfully asking that you stand aside and let us leave"
Reporter 1
" Ok"
(The assembled press stare at Reporter 1 in stunned amazement , Reporter 1 moves out of the way to let them leave)
DI
" Thank you"
Reporter 1
" Oh , one last thing, i would avoid readingthe local papers tomorrow if i were you "
DI
" What are you saying?"
Reporter 1
" You don't expect us to leave this here do you? You've wasted our time and i think the localtax payers would love to know how it's local police operates"
DI
" You wouldn't dare "
Reporter 3
" Wouldn't we , I still haven't had a cigarette , are you prepared to take that chance? "
Reporter 1 (pointing at Reporter 2 )
" And he's driving straight back to his newspaper's office in Scarborough and going to write up tonight's events straight away "
(Reporter 2looks lost and confused)
Reporter 2
" Um, yeah, strai.....straight away"
(The Spokesman and the DI confer )
DI
" Ok what do you want ?"
Reporter 1
"Well that's up to you but it 's got to be worthwhile"
DI
" What consitutes worthwhile?"
Reporter 1 (cutting)
" Literally anything that you haven't given us already"
Spokesman (miffed)
" Jesus, did you used to work for a tabloid? We can't be held to ransom like this..."
(The DI places his arm on the shoulder of the Spokesman and moves him away from Reporter 1 )
DI
" Do you mind if we confer ?"
Reporter 1
" Take your time "
(The Spokesman and the DI confer, the Spokesman is animated , the DI more measured, eventually they appear to have reached a compromise)
DI
" OK, oneof the officers at the scenesaid that the neck injury looked like it may have been caused by a sharp instrument"
Reporter 3
" So he was stabbed with a knife?"
DI
" I won't confirm that "
(A loud chorus of moans and groans from the press)
DI
" But from what i have been told I am prepared to speculate on how he was attacked . But i won't put my name to it "
Reporter 1
" That's fine we'll make up an eyewitness "
DI
" But what if it turns out that the man did actuallybang his head "
(There's a collective look of amazement )
DI
" I mean on the very slim chance that the man confirms thathe did in fact injure himself "
Reporter 1
" Then we'll say the eyewitness was drunk "
DI
" You can do that?"
Reporter 1
" We're the press we can do anything we want"
DI
" OK"
(The DI readies himself as if he is aboutto re-enact how the man was attacked, he begins to look sheepishly over his shoulder )
DI
" Look you'll have to come closer "
(The press move forward one pace)
DI
" Much closer. Form a circle"
(Reluctantly the reporters move forward creating a circle with the DI at the centre. The DI pauses , take his time and then performs themost minute hand stabbing movement which takes a mili second to complete . The DI looks at the stunned , unimpressed cirle of reporters)
DI
" Is that ok ?"
