INT. BANK
TIM OPENS THE BANK DOOR FOR A YOUNG LADY, AND SIGNALS HER TO
GO IN. SHE SMILES AND WALKS INTO THE BUILDING, TIM FOLLOWS
HER RIGHT BEHIND. THEY BOTH WALK UP TO WHERE THE LINE STARTS.
TELLER
(HAPPY MOOD AND YELLING)
NEXT!
THE YOUNG LADY WALKS UP TO THE BANK TELLER. TIM WALKS UP TO
THE FRONT OF THE LINE JUST LOOKING AROUND AND READING THE
POSTERS THE BANK HAS ALL OVER THE PLACE. HIS PHONE GOES OFF
FOR A SECOND AND HE GETS LOOKS FROM A COUPLE RIGHT BEHIND
HIM, BUT HE CHECKS IT AND SMILES. SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE HE
HEARS A LARGE SMASH. AND HE TURNS AND LOOKS WITH A CURIOUS
AND SCARED LOOK. HE SEES TWO MEN WITH SKI MASKS AND HANDGUNS
WALK IN THROUGH THE DOOR.
CHRIS
(POINTING GUN AND YELLING)
EVERYBODY GET THE HELL OVER THERE,
GET ON YOUR DAMN KNEES AND PUT YOUR
HANDS ON THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD.
NOBODY NEEDS TO LEAVE HERE IN A
BODY BAG SO I DON'T WANT ANY
BULLSHIT.
EVERYONE MOVES TO A SECLUDED AREA OF THE BANK AND CHRIS KEEPS
HIS GUN POINTED AT THEM AND KEEPS A CLOSE EYE. NICK WALKS UP
TO THE BANK TELLER AND PUTS HIS GUN IN HER FACE AND HANDS HER
A BAG.
NICK
(YELLING)
I WANT $500,000 IN THIS BAG RIGHT
NOW.
TELLER
(SCARED)
WE DON'T CARRY THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY
IN THE REGISTERS.
NICK
(ANGRY AND YELLING)
LOOK JUST GIVE ME WHATEVER THE HELL
YOU HAVE IN THERE. WHERE ARE THE
REST OF THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE?
YOU BETTER NOT HAVE CALLED THE
COPS.
TELLER
(SOBBING AND ON THE EDGE
OF TEARS)
THEY LEFT FOR LUNCH I WAS THE ONLY
ONE LEFT IN CHARGE. AND I DIDN'T I
SWEAR.
NICK
JUST HURRY UP AND GET THE MONEY.
THE TELLER GRABS THE BAG AND STARTS PUTTING MONEY IN IT. AT
THE SAME MOMENT TIM'S PHONE GOES OFF MAKING CHRIS TURN.
CHRIS
(ANGRY)
WHO'S FUCKING PHONE WAS THAT.
TIM REALIZES THAT IT'S HIS PHONE.
TIM
(SCARED)
UMM.. ITS MY PHONE. IT'S JUST A
FACEBOOK NOTIFICATION.
THE TELLER KEEPS PUTTING MONEY IN THE BAG.
CHRIS
(AGITATED)
GIVE ME YOUR DAMN PHONE. DON'T TRY
TO DO ANYTHING STUPID THAT YOU'LL
REGRET.
TIM PUTS MOVES HIS RIGHT HAND SLOWLY INTO HIS JACKET POCKET.
HE GRABS HIS PHONE AND PULLS IT OUT, QUICKLY CHECKING IT.
THEN HE STARTS CHUCKLING HANDING IT TO CHRIS.
CHRIS (CONT'D)
(ANGRY AND YELLING)
WHAT THE HELL SO DAMN FUNNY. YOU
WANT A CAP IN YOUR ASS FOOL.
TIM
(GIGGLING)
I'M SORRY IT WAS JUST A PICTURE ON
MY FACEBOOK WALL. IT WAS JUST TO
FUNNY.
CHRIS
FOOL SHUT THE HELL UP.
THE TELLER FINISHES PUTTING MONEY IN THE BAG AND HANDS THE
BAG TO NICK. NICK THEN MAKES AN ARM GESTURE FOR HER TO MOVE
WITH THE REST OF THE PEOPLE. THE BANK TELLER WALKS WITH HER
ARMS IN THE AIR AND GETS DOWN ON HER KNEES WITH THE REST OF
THE PEOPLE. NICK THEN RUNS TO CHRIS. TIM KEEPS CHUCKLING TO
HIMSELF.
NICK
(LOUD WHISPER)
WE HAVE THE MONEY LETS GO BEFORE
THE COPS ARRIVE.
CHRIS NODS, BUT THEN NOTICES TIM KEEPS CHUCKLING.
CHRIS
(ANGRY AND CURIOUS)
WHAT THE HELL WAS SO DAMN FUNNY
ABOUT THAT PIC.
TIM
IT WAS JUST A PICTURE OF A DOG WITH
A CAPTION.
CHRIS THROWS THE PHONE BACK AT TIM. TIM QUICKLY CATCHES IT.
AND LOOKS AT CHRIS WITH A CONFUSED LOOK.
CHRIS
(POINTING GUN)
SHOW ME, BUT DON'T TRY TO BE A
HERO.
TIM QUICKLY STARTS TAPPING HIS SCREEN.
NICK
(CONFUSED AND ANGRY)
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? LETS
GO.
CHRIS
JUST RELAX. THE COPS DON'T EVEN
KNOW WE'RE HERE I JUST WANT TO SEE
WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY. TELL THAT
BITCH TO CLOSE THE DOORS AND LOCK
THEM.
NICK LOOKS AT HIM WITH A CONFUSED LOOK BUT DOES AS HE IS
TOLD. HE POINTS THE GUN AT THE TELLER KNOWING SHE HEARD WHAT
SHE HAD TO DO AND HE JUST ESCORTS HER TO THE DOOR AS SHE
LOCKS IT. THEN TIM HANDS THE PHONE TO CHRIS. CHRIS GRABS IT
AND LOOKS AT THE SCREEN AND BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.
CHRIS (CONT'D)
(CHUCKLING)
HEY NIGGA COME SEE THIS FUNNY
SHIT.
NICK ESCORTS THE TELLER BACK WITH ALL THE REST OF THE PEOPLE
AND SHE GETS ON HER KNEES AGAIN. NICK THEN GRABS THE PHONE
AND LOOKS AT THE PICTURE AND STARTS LAUGHING AS WELL.
NICK
(CHUCKLING AND HANDING IT
BACK TO CHRIS)
THIS SHIT IS FUNNY AS HELL.
CHRIS
(CHUCKLING)
YOU MADE THAT PICTURE?
TIM
NO. MY FRIEND MADE IT, HE MAKES ALL
KINDS OF CRAZY PICTURES ON HIS
FACEBOOK PAGE.
CHRIS
THAT SHIT FUNNY. I HAVE A FACEBOOK,
HOW YOU MAKE A PAGE.
TIM
THAT'S EASY
TIM GETS UP AND CHRIS HANDS HIM THE PHONE.
TIM (CONT'D)
IT WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU HAD YOUR
PHONE OUT WITH YOU SO YOU COULD
FOLLOW WHAT I DO.
CHRIS PULLS OUT HIS PHONE AND HANDS HIS GUN TO NICK THAT
CURIOUSLY WATCHES THE PHONES.
TIM (CONT'D)
OK SO I'M NO EXPERT BUT I JUST
SEARCH FACEBOOK PAGE ON THE
FACEBOOK SEARCH BAR AND IT SHOULD
SAY CREATE A PAGE IF NOT JUST GO TO
MY PAGE AND ON THE SIDE OF THE PAGE
THERE SHOULD BE A BUTTON THAT SAYS
CREATE A PAGE.
CHRIS TAPS HIS PHONES SCREEN.
CHRIS
THERE, WHAT DO I CALL THE PAGE?
TIM
THAT'S ALL UP TO YOU MAN.
CHRIS
HMM. HOW ABOUT PARTY NIGGA?
TIM
LIKE I SAID ITS ALL UP TO YOU.
CHRIS
(SPELLING OUT)
PARTY NIGGA.
CHRIS TYPES ON HIS PHONE
CHRIS (CONT'D)
THERE I MADE IT BUT I HAVE 0 LIKES.
HOW THE HELL DO I GET LIKES.
A NERDY LOOKING MAN STARTS CHUCKLING IN A MOCKING MANNER.
CHRIS, NICK, AND TIM TURN TO LOOK AT HIM.
CHRIS (CONT'D)
(ANGRY AND POINTING GUN)
YOU THINK MY PAGE IS FUNNY FOOL?
NERD
(SCARED)
NO, NO, NO ITS JUST THAT YOU
PROBABLY WON'T GET ANY LIKES YOU
HAVE TO POST AWESOME STUFF TO GET
LIKES.
CHRIS
(AGITATED)
NIGGA SHUT THE FUCK UP. DO YOU EVEN
HAVE A PAGE.
NERD
(MOCKINGLY)
AS A MATTER OF FACT I DO. AND IT IS
QUITE SUCCESSFUL
CHRIS
(ANGRY)
OH YOU DO? WHAT'S YOUR PAGE ABOUT?
WHAT'S ITS NAME?
NERD
(SMUG)
MY PAGE IS CALLED CATS ARE LMFAO,
AND I HAVE OVER 50,000 LIKES.
CHRIS SEARCHES THE PAGE ON HIS PHONE AND FINDS IT. TIM AND
NICK LEAN OVER AND SEE THE SCREEN FILLED WITH CAPTIONED
PICTURES OF CATS.
CHRIS
THIS NIGGA WASN'T LYING.
NERD
(SMUG AND SMILING)
I TOLD YOU THAT PAGE IS FILLED WITH
MY BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. AND I
DON'T THINK..
CHRIS
(INTERRUPTS)
FOOL SHUT THE HELL UP. YOU THINK
YOU BETTER THAN ME JUST BECAUSE YOU
HAVE THAT GAY ASS FACEBOOK PAGE
DELETE THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.
NERD
(IN DISBELIEF)
WAIT, WHAT?
CHRIS
YOU HEARD ME.
NERD
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THAT FACEBOOK
PAGE IS MY LIFE.
CHRIS GRABS HIS GUN FROM NICKS HAND AND POINTS IT THE NERD.
CHRIS
GET YOUR DAMN PHONE OUT AND DELETE
THAT SHIT AND THE REST OF YOU GET
YOUR DAMN PHONES OUT AND LIKE MY
PAGE.
EVERYONE PUTS THERE HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS AND GRAB THEIR
PHONES AND START TAPPING THE SCREENS. THE NERD CRIES
HYSTERICALLY WHILE HE DOES IT.
NERD
(IN A LOVING TONE)
BYE PAGE I SAW YOU GROW UP AND NOW
I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE.
SUDDENLY EVERYONE HEARS SIRENS IN THE DISTANCE. CHRIS AND
NICK MAKE A RUN FOR THE DOOR AND LEAVE THE BANK. THE NERD
KEEPS CRYING HYSTERICALLY.
EXT. BANK
THE NERD CRIES HYSTERICALLY TO A POLICE OFFICER.
POLICE OFFICER 1
SIR WE WILL GET THE GUYS THAT
ROBBED THE BANK, BUT WE ARE NOT
GOING TO PRESS MURDER CHARGES JUST
BECAUSE THEY MADE YOU DELETE YOUR
FACEBOOK PAGE.
NERD
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT PAGE IS
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER LIVED FOR.
POLICE OFFICER 1
I'M SORRY SIR.
NERD
(YELLING AND FALLING TO
HIS KNEES)
NOOOOOOOOOO! I WILL AVENGE YOU AND I WILL BECOME THE FACEBOOK
AVENGER.
INT. KIDS BEDROOM
GRANDPA
AND THAT'S HOW THE FACEBOOK AVENGER
WAS BORN.
LITTLE BOY
GRANDPA YOUR STORIES ARE SO DAMN
RETARDED SOMETIMES, I SWEAR
SOMETIMES I THINK YOUR ON CRACK.
