said she'd love to be a mermaid, so what else could i do
got a dolphin, chainsaw, needle and thread, cos she was my love so true
suddenly she was not keen, could tell by her screams
but sleeping pills and whiskey sent her to the land of dreams
i realized her vision, cut and stitched till early morn
hoping she would survive to savor her new form
for she looked a picture, discounting the scars
and her other half with the dolphins head was erotically bizarre
for waste not what you might want on a cold winters night
a big fish head won't stop you, though not a pretty sight
when she came out of the coma, i threw her in the sea
saying away and catch a fish my girl, swim happy and swim free
she was a crappy mermaid, was bitter and twisted towards me
shouting I'll have you ye bastard, and get me something to eat
give me back my life she'd say, I'm freezing out here you fool
told her a mermaid with a dufflecoat, would be so not cool
she put a contract out on me, hired some real heavy lads
seriously unfriendly dudes, the feared tuna Triads
came all the way from Shanghai, arrived on the first tide
broke into my house, and kind of flopped about and died
she swam away that December, never saw her again
complaining of cold and hunger and ogling fishermen
heard shes hanging out at harbors, with a rough old crowd
what she'll do for chips is scandalous, for a woman once so proud
I'm still with her other half, with the big old dolphins head
yes she smells a bit, but i still wouldn't kick her out of bed
