The army of an evil dictator (pick your favorite one) is well armed, the morale is relatively high, but the food is scarce. The supreme leader sends one of his top experts in the arts of hypnosis to convince soldiers that their hunger is only a state of mind. The expert is standing in the front of the group of hungry soldiers performing his magic.
Expert: My fellow countrymen, I feel your pain, but we all must tighten our belts for yet another notch. Your country demands it.
Soldier one: But we are hungry! My belt doesn't’t have any more notches.
Expert: Hunger is just an illusion, my friend. You know there are people in India who can live for months, feeding on nothing, but the energy of the sun.
Soldier two: You’re going to have us stare at the sun?
Expert: No, I have something better than that. I’ll feed your tummies with imaginary food through the art of hypnosis. When I’m done with you, you’ll be full and happy.
Soldier three: I’m skeptic.
Expert: Dully noted. Now then, what would you all like to eat today?
Soldier four: Hamburger!
Expert: Hamburger? Are you sure? Perhaps something more familiar, how about a local sandwich, one piece of bread on the top, one on the bottom and nothing in between.
Soldiers in unison: Hamburger! Hamburger!
Expert: Very well. The American hamburger it is.
Soldiers applaud loudly. Expert spreads his hand and closes his eyes. Applauding stops.
Expert: Everybody close your eyes. Don’t be shy now.
Soldiers close their eyes and silence settles in. A long pause.
Expert: Imagine yourselves standing in a line for a hamburger at a local American restaurant. Your food is almost ready and you’re anxious. Enjoy the moment. Smell the taste of meat in the air, hear the sizzling noise of burgers being flipped on the grill.
Soldiers smelling the air, some are shivering.
Expert: Your order is ready. Carefully, pick the tray up, look at it. See the burger, fries, an ice cold soda and your favorite sauce; ketchup, ranch or even mayo.
Soldier five: What’s a mayo?
Expert: Shhhh. No questions please. Carefully now, the food is still hot. Blow into the burger, blow into the fries.
Soldiers blowing loudly.
Expert: Set the tray on the table and sit down. Pick up the burger from the tray. Squeeze the soft white buns sprinkled with sesame seeds. Smell the melting cheese dripping on the side. Oh my god, it’s a double meat burger. Open your jaws wide, this is a thick one. Let the first bite be the one to remember. Sink your teeth deep, through the buns into the juicy middle. Get a mouthful. It’s still warm. Let some air in through your teeth to cool it down. Taste the sharp cheddar melted cheese, well done ground beef patties, and lettuce with fresh tomato. Get it all, in that first bite. Don’t enjoy it for too long, the first bite should hit the stomach half chewed.
Soldiers open their jaws and chew loudly.
Expert: Get a handful of fries, hurry! They’re curly and hot. Dip them in your sauce. Only bite off the bottom half, the one that’s been dipped. Get the other half dipped again. Don’t mind if your fingers get some sauce. Lick them off thoroughly.
Soldiers slurping, mouthwatering.
Expert: Work on your hamburger. Always get the full bite. Don’t waste nothing. Chew longer. Taste, smell, look, food is a visual experience as well.
Everybody’s eating, lips smacking loudly, licking fingers.
Expert: Okay now, this is the last bite of your burger, dip it in your sauce, Scrape with it the remaining sauce. Scrape it clean. Get that last bite in you mouth with two fingers. Get the last of your fries. Chew long, don’t hurry. Swallow it. It hits the spot, doesn't’t it? Take a deep breath. You’re full. What do you feel now? Is it thirst? Of course. Get a big gulp of your ice cold soda. Full mouth. Squish it through your mouth, wash it all down with the sweet taste of cola. Feel the sizzle coming out of your nostrils. Get another gulp, smaller one. Quench your thirst. Get some napkins, clean your hands. Are we done?
Soldiers: No! More! More!
Expert: Okay, how about some desert, maybe an ice cream cone. Vanilla or chocolate?
Soldiers: Yes, vanilla! Chocolate!
Expert: Before we do that, I have a surprise for you.
Expert snaps his fingers and everybody opens their eyes.
Soldiers: Food! We got some real food!
Expert: Actually no, but each one of you gets a plastic fork, spoon and a knife, all from our leader personal supplies. What do you say, not bad? Are you feeling me?
Soldiers: We’ll tell you what we feel right now!
Expert: Wait, what are you doing?
Soldiers jump on expert and beat the crap out of him.
