Dog: Hello!!
Man: What? What the fuck? You can talk!
Dog: Yes I can. And my name is not Tommy , my name is Rauf.
Man: No you are Tommy. I named you myself.
Dog: I call you a Fag but your name is Steve. Right?
Man: Right. But why did you keep quite all these years.
Dog: Just now God gave me the voice to communicate to humans.
Man: You met him.
Dog: Yes I met Her.
Man: Wait God is a woman.
Dog: Yes an old blonde girl who still wears a kilt.
Man: Wow!! That explains everything that is going on.
Dog: Yes I thought God would be a dog or a bitch. Was pretty much surprised myself to find a girl.
Man: So talk to me. Now that you have a voice tell me something.
Dog: Well I have to tell you a lot of things. You go around the world being this happy go lucky man and untouched by any sorrow. Your snaps on the social network indicate that you have a better life than a rich Sheik. Here is the truth!!
Man: Ok!! So a dog is going to bark the truth.
Dog: Don't start crying.
Man: I don't cry.
Dog: Well don't lie to me ,I have seen you sobbing like a girl many a times. Ha Ha!
Man: ok!
Dog: Your girl friend is cheating on you.
Man: No way. How can she do that to me?
Dog: Yes she did that and she does it regularly and she enjoys it. You know she sleeps around with her step dad.
Man: No. That can't be. He calls me SON.
Dog: He calls you SON OF A BITCH, the other words you are not able to hear because those are spoken at a very low frequency which dogs can hear. You know why second marriages work?
Man: Why?
Dog: Because of step sons and step daughters.
Man: Ohh I am so angry.
Dog: Wait and your dad.
Man: My dad , i love him so much. What about him?
Dog: Stop calling your father your dad. Look your real father is an Anoynomous Sperm Donor. Your father had got hit on his groin by your mother , so he was pretty much sterile for a good amount of time. Your mom thought that if she needs to get pregnant she needs help. Your neighbor and many other people tried to help her but finally an anonymous sperm donor did it.
Man: No!!
Dog: And I call him an anonymous sperm donor because he didn't reveal his name during the one night stand. Your dad is not going to make you a part of his will. He is planning to ask you the money he spent on your college education.
Man: Why all of a sudden he hates me now?
Dog: He didn't know the truth till now. Your Mom was drunk and spilled the beans yesterday.
Man: Ohh my god!!
Dog: That is not all. Your boss will fire you in a week
Man: I work so hard.
Dog: He is going to hire this smoking hot blonde. You work hard for the firm she will work hard for him. You don't stand a chance.
Man: But I still have my friends.
Dog: Yes they do need a joker. Then know you are a looser. You make them feel good about themselves. Yes they are your friends.
Man: My Mom loves me.
Dog: Yes she does but she loves your succesful brother more. You know that.
Man: Then who loves me?
Dog: Brian and he is going to express his love by spiking your drinks soon.
Man: Ohh! No! Will God help me?
Dog: Were blondes ever good to you.
Man: No. They always preferred the school bully.
Dog: You see your school bullies are doing the best in life. Then why are you asking this question.
Man: Do you like me?
Dog: You are asking many questions. I do have one for you ..
Man: Yes
Dog (Shows a menacing look): As a puppy , did you find me without my balls?
Man: Errr!! I can explain.
Dog (Jumps on the man): God told me everything. You neutered me. BALLS for BALLS!!
