The One

Retired Jim Carrey is holding a comedy audition in desperate effort to find somebody who can posibbly take his place as the funniest guy in the area. Jim is sitting at one side of the table. On the other side a candidate is trying to make him laugh.
Candidate: And then she farts on his face and messes his hair up.
Jim Carey: I need it to be more funny. Add something spicy.
Candidate: Well, while she's doing it she's wistling a funny melody. Like row row row your boat.
Jim Carrey: Not funny. Go away.
Candidate. What?
Jim Carey: Not funny. Go. Leave the room.
Candidate leaves disapointed. Another one enters the room.
Jim Carey: Ok begin.
Candidate inhales but before he could speak he is interupted by Jim.
Jim Carrey: Stupid.
Candidate: But I didn't even say anything.
Jim Carrey: It's still stupid, come on you're not funny enough. Go away.
Candidate: But I worked on this piece for 10 years.
Jim Carrey: Go, go. Next. Call me in 20 years.
Candidate leaves. Before a next one comes in, another person can be seen in the corner of the room.
Jim Carrey (surprised): Who are you?
Fred Astaire: I'm the ghost of Fred Astaire.
Jim Carrey: Frad Astaire was not a comedy performer.
Fred Astaire: So, what's your point?
Jim Carrey: This is an audition for comedy performers. If I ever ask for dancers, I'll be sure to call you. Thank you. Bye.
Fred Astaire: I'm not here for audition you idiot. I'm here to warn you.
Jim Carrey: You don't even look like Fred Astaire.
Fred Astaire: That's because I'm not Fred Astaire. I'm the ghost of Fred Astaire.
Jim Carrey: Even so, you should still look like Fred Astaire.
Fred Astaire: And how would you know? How many ghosts have you met?
Jim Carrey: I don't like you. I want to talk to a ghost of Bill Cosby.
Fred Astaire: Bil Cosby ain't dead yet, you dummy.
Jim Carrey: I don't care. I want the ghost of Bill Cosby. I want the ghost of Bill Cosby.
Fred Astaire: Stop being such a spolied little brat. I came here to warn you.
Jim Carrey: Then warn me and go.
Fred Astaire: You need to choose someone. Even if they're not funny enough.
Jim Carey: I need to do what I need to do. I make the choice.
Fred Astaire: If you don't listen to me I'm going to visit your wife. I'll turn her against you.
Jim Carrey: On second thought maybe you're right. I'll choose someone. Thanks for helping me.Next.
In comes Chelsea Handler.
Chelsea: Hi. My name is Chelsea. I'm funny.
Jim Carey: Haha, that's a funny name.
Chelsea: Every time I laugh too hard a pee a little in my pants.
Jim Carey laughs uncontrolably: Haha, pee in her pants. You're very funny.
Fred Astair: I can't watch this anymore. Why did I get involved in the first place.
Jim Carey: Kneel.
Chelsea: Ooooh, what are you going to do to me?
Jim Carey:You'll do. Kneel. You're the next me.
Chelsea kneels.
Jim Carey: By the power vested in me by the god of comedy I now pronounce you Chelsea the Handler. You're the next best thing.
Fred Astair takes gun and aimes at his head.
Fred Astair: I'll just kill myself. Wait I can't do that. I'm dead already. Heck. I'll just dance away instead.
Fred Astair dances away. Jim and Chelsea are still laughing and jumping.