One morning, John Stumps went to a smoothie shop. He got himself an strawberry smoothie. He exited the building, only to be met with two men dragging him into the nearest alleyway.
Man #1: Alright, sir. Your gonna give us everything you have now.
John: Wait, this must be a misunderstanding.
Man #2: No, this is definitely a mugging.
John: No, I mean where's your guns?
*both men stare at each other*
Man #1: We don't have our permits. Give us your money!
John: What?
Man #2: Your money! Are you deaf?
John: But didn't you want everything I have? Now you only want my money?
Man #1: Don't be a wise-ass and hand us the money!
John: I can't.
Man #1: Why not?
John: I don't feel intimidated enough.
Man #2: Intimidated? What on earth do you mean?
John: Look, if I'll be honest with you gent's, I've been mugged, robbed, held at gunpoint, shot in two different places, had my wrist slit, been pushed off a building, skydived with no parachute, swallowed two gallons of lead, and I've also tripped on a banana peel, and out of all of those events to happen to me, this is the most boring.
Man #1: Wow... You just enlightened us! But your still getting mugged. Now give us the money!
Man #2: Don't make me get out the pocket knife!
John: Pocket knives? *the two men shake their heads yes* So your telling me that all this time, you had a weapon? A weapon that you could've used on me a long time ago?
Man #1: I mean, we aren't the most observant.
John: I can see.
Man #2: Is the pocket knife not intimidating enough?
John: Sadly, no.
Man #2: Do you happen to have any weapons with you we can use?
John: I mean, I happen to carry my 44. Magnum. You can use that.
Man #1: Yes, please! *John gives the man his gun* Boom! Now we stole your gun!
John: You didn't steal it.
Man #1: What?
John: I offered it to you. You took it, and now it's in your hands.
Man #2: Your either the dumbest person I've ever met or you've planned out all of your muggings.
John: No, I'm just American.
Both men: Ohhh
John: Now, what did you want again?
Man #1: Oh yeah. Your money! Give it to us.
John: I mean, I only have three quarters.
Man #2: Three quarters? *looks at Man #1* We spent all this time hassling this guy for three quarters.
John: You can still have them.
Man #2: No! That's useless!
John: You can feel successful in this mugging!
Man #1: Let's just take them.
Man #2: Fine! *takes quarters* Here's your gun back also. *gives gun back* Thanks for the help.
John: No worries! Have a good day! *Both men start walking away* Wait a second!
Man #1: *turns around* What is it?
John: Why did you mug me in the first place?
Man #2: To get a smoothie. *Both men turn the corner and walk into the store*
John: Why didn't they just say so? A smoothie costs two dollars! *walks away, sipping on his smoothie*
End.
