Scene: The scene begins in the living room of Joey's Home. Jimmy is babysitting his nephew Joey while Joey’s mother has gone out for the evening.
Cast:
Jimmy – Jimmy is a single 25 year old man. He is studying to be an auto mechanic at the local community college.
Joey – Joey is a 10 year old boy at the local elementary school. He’s an average kid that likes to sometimes play pranks on adults.
(Lights go up on Joey’s living room).
Jimmy
So kid…what do you want to do now that your mother’s gone?
Joey
We could play with my balls Uncle Jimmy! I really like doing that! But I usually don’t have anyone to help me play with them.
Jimmy
I don’t know kid…that sounds kind of weird.
Joey
I have a blue one and a red one. They’re really fun to play with too!
Jimmy
I think you should tell your mother about this Joey…it sounds pretty serious!
Joey
No. They’re not serious…they’re fun! Let me show them to you.
Jimmy
Stop right there kid!
Joey
What’s wrong Uncle Jimmy? I thought everyone liked playing with balls. Don’t you play with your balls?
Jimmy
Well yeah…I do. But that’s not something I go telling the whole world about though!
Joey
Can I see your balls Uncle Jimmy?
Jimmy
What? I don’t think that’s a good idea. Have you looked at other peoples balls before?
Joey
I don’t have too many friends…but Billy next door lets me look at his balls all the time.
Jimmy
This is extremely serious Billy! Does your mother know you’ve been looking at Billy’s balls? I’m going to have to tell her about it!
Joey
She knows Uncle Jimmy…they’re just like the ones Mommy bought me. See em’ over there in the corner?
Jimmy
Man…you had me goin’ there kid. I need to smoke after that!
Joey
Don’t do it Uncle Jimmy! Don’t set yourself on fire! If you’re sad I can cheer you up, and then maybe you won’t set yourself on fire!
Jimmy
No kid. I’m not gonna set myself on fire. I’m just gonna smoke.
Joey
What’s wrong Uncle Jimmy? Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?
Jimmy
No. It’s nothin’ like that Joey. Let me show you. Look. I’m gonna smoke a cigarette…see!
(Jimmy shows Joey one of his cigarettes).
Joey
Oh…I see. Mommy calls those cancer sticks. She said only crazy people smoke cancer sticks. You must be crazy Uncle Jimmy. I better call the police.
(Joey picks up the phone, and then Jimmy starts yelling at Joey).
Jimmy
No kid! Stop…don’t do that! I’m not crazy!
Joey
Then why are you yelling at me if you’re not crazy. Mommy told me only crazy people yell all the time. That’s why daddy had to go away.
(Jimmy speaks in a quiet and calm voice).
Jimmy
Joey. Please put down the phone. I’m not crazy…okay? Why don’t we play a game?
(Joey puts down the phone).
Joey
What kind of game Uncle Jimmy?
Jimmy
Why don’t you pick one kid?
Joey
My friend Billy and I really like to play Scotch!
Jimmy
Oh my god! That’s no game Joey! That’s serious stuff man!
Joey
No…It’s real fun Uncle Jimmy. Everyone gets a turn…and you get to jump around and everything!
Jimmy
I’ll bet you do! Does your mother know about this?
Joey
Of course she does. Sometimes she even plays with us…she loves it!
Jimmy
Can you show me where you keep the scotch?
Joey
Sure. We keep it in the kitchen drawer.
(Joey opens the kitchen drawer and shows Jimmy a box of chalk).
Joey
Now can we play Hopscotch Uncle Jimmy?
Jimmy
Oh. Hopscotch. Thank god! I think I need a drink now.
(Lights).
