Johann was a Dutch boy, from the town of PSV
loved to watch the ocean, sitting on the Zuider Zee
he saw it was leaking like a old radiator
his finger became Maximus, like in the film gladiator
his selfless deed was heroic, his actions saved legions
he stopped salty liquid, coming all over the nether regions
three days and nights, with his finger, he resisted the oceans advance
except when he ate his sandwiches, he had to drop his pants
all of Holland supported him, the LGBT community arrived by bike
for its not every day you see a boy, fingering a dyke
Johann had once saved his sister, many years before
she came of age and was gushing, many miles from their door
they walked home together, his magic finger worked
her blushes were spared, as he had her well corked
yes the Dutch are a powerful race, never will be minions
they stole land from the sea, fish felt like Palestinians
for it is the flattest place, on gods holy earth
they went and sold their mountains, for a handful of dirt
the highest point is a tree, outside of Groningen
they measure it every year, to see if its Groningen
so its a constant battle, to keep themselves afloat
only downside is the extinction, of the mountain goat
feted as a hero, he didn't feel rewarded
for people all made the same request, which was a little sordid
summoned by the queen, to have his photo taken
Beatrix said go on and do your thing, which left him quite shaken
was in demand constantly, people put him through the wringer
they smiled and cheered as he gave the Netherlands the finger
Johann was a Dutch boy, from the town of PSV
who hasn't got the time to watch the ocean, from the Zuider Zee
no more does he see that finest of barricades
to busy getting his digits routinely tested for aids
