walking in the meadow, on a bright summers day
yodeling me a pleasant tune, in a alpine kind of way
suddenly i heard a voice, said please don't stand on me
i looked down and saw something, small and fleshy
took to pondering if my mind had finally snapped
when this little man, size of my hand, said stop your pondering crap
clear your head, sit down a while, and rest your weary feet
and listen to the last of the Leprechauns, before i cease to be
he told me far fetched stories, the lies they were a flowing
some crock of shit about a crock of gold, with rainbows thrown in
he sang a silly song, danced a twatty dance, begged for a few pence
said i don't support caricatures, they give me great offense
he criticised my apathy, and put a curse on me
said demons from the fairy bush, would take my liberty
I'd had my fill of Darby O'Gill, so i bade him farewell
said find yourself some tourists, and your coffers will swell
or maybe join a freak show, there you'll be revered
and may you hook up with a midget, with webbed feet and a beard
like a Barbie doll looking for her nipples, he was far from amused
he attacked me with a thistle, and hurled verbal abuse
i bent down and caught him, and turned away for home
thinking I'll stuff this little bollocks, have me a garden gnome
twas a grievous error, one i did regret a lot
for he escaped, crawled up my arse, and there he deemed to squat
yes it was a quandary, of that there was no doubt
had a daily enema, but couldn't flush him out
lit my farts, to blaze the heart, of that green clad clown
but all i earned, was a ring so burned, that i ceased sitting down
it was hard looking in the mirror, at my arse so red
seeing him peeking out, giving it the turtles head
he sure loved his offal, on my insides he was chewing
my beloved colon was a semi colon quite soon
to rid me of this menace, was my one and only goal
it was a mistake telling a doctor, about the Leprechaun up my hole
so beware the little people, and cover your orifices well
or you'll be joining me in a multi padded cell
