got me a girl three foot two she called Melanie
I call her melanoma she ain't too pleased with me
she was the millers daughter no nobble in her knee
eyes as soft as runny eggs and lord she was pretty as a pea
came from a pod sculpted by god oh lord she was pretty as a pea
her smile it did beguile me enchained my mortal soul
she burrowed deep into my heart like a workaholic mole
surprised her with acupuncture as she was fast asleep
didn't know she had hemophilia she drained all over me
replaced her blood with orange juice and prayed that she would heal
and may the man strike me down if her skin do peel
and lord she was pretty as a pea
she had a nice tushy firm not mushy
oh lord she was pretty as a pea
then one day she did not wave a tear came to my eye
she had sold her gentle hands at some bring and buy
she never gave a reason she'd just foam and drool
and would not give up netball despite the ridicule
not a chance I would desert her or in any way disparage
asked her dad for his daughters stumps in marriage
and lord she was pretty as a pea
she was narrow and flat not marrow fat
oh lord she was pretty as a pea
