Scene 1
8 hours till formal
The gang is hanging around the school as Declan walks up with Deanna
Declan: and that?s the time that I assassinated hitler the damn nazi basterd
Reon: YOU RACIST BITCH!!
Reon lightly punchs Declan in the gut they stand there for a second then both fall to the floor crying
Deanna: god you 2 are immature
Travis astands next to Deanna in full boxing coach gear
Travis: THAT?S IT ROCK YOU CAN DO IT!!
Deanna facepalms and travis punches her in the face knocking her out
Travis: damn it dee that?s not how u keep your hands up
Declan tackles him and a huge pile on is made on top of trabby
Ayrton: jeez those guys are immature
Jodie runs over with a machete
Jodie: did I miss it?
Ayrton: where the hell did you get that machete Jodie?
Jodie: travis keeps a spare one in his locker
Jodie jumps into the pile hearing the screams of everyone they all disperse
Jodie: what? I thought it was a battle royal
A random guy stands next to her lets call him jeff
Jeff: when I?m done your ass will be a battle royal? I?m sorry my giant penis takes all the blood from my brain
Jodie stares for a minute then runs after the guy with her machete
Jacob: shouldn?t someone stop her or shouldn?t you defend her honour ayrton
He turns reon and travis are watching a movie on red tube crying
Reon: WHY GOD HE WAS SO YOUNG???. WHY NOT ME YA GREY HAIRED BASTERD!!
Reons hit by lightning travis edges away a little Jacob then turns to ayrton who?s wearing a skimpy tight dress
Ayrton: does this dress make me look fat?
End scene
Scene 2
6 hours till formal
Declan is standing there reon travis and ayrton all gathered around
Declan: so heres the deal I think Deanna may be bored with me
Ayrton: ahh that little dilemma jodie was bored with me once I took reons advice and ended up on a wild goose chase turning out she hated me cause of reon ? its all in his script
Reon and travis both staring confused at ayrton zooms out and hes still wearing the dress
Ayrton: what? Someone?s got to fill it out for jodie!!
They then look at travis whos wearing a football uniform
Travis: ??. I thought we were in a huddle discussing game plans?
They finally look at reon who?s in a transvestite costume
Reon: say what you like ? its quite comfy
Declan: ohh good god this is my ultimate wingman team
Reon and travis stand beside Declan flapping there arms ayrton comes from the top trying to do the same the others death stare at ayrton who continues to do the motion
Travis: ??. God damn it ayrton.
Declan: Im serious though what do I do guys I don?t wanna lose her
Reon ad travis turn and nod at each other
Travis: its quite simple you have to just mix it up do something fun give her a formal she will never forget!!
Declan: hmmm true, but what about you guys have you got dates yet?
Reon: hmm didn?t think about that one (turns) hey trabby
Travis has jeff on a cross trying to light a match turns to look at reon
Reon: ??.. Never mind
Hear jeffs screams in background reon runs away
End scene
Scene 3
5 hours 20 minutes till formal
Jess and Jacob standing in room
Jess: Jacob im tired of waiting for sex lets just get it over with that way its special everytime instead of the first time
Jacob: ?. Have you been watching that porno reon lent me jess!
Jess: no what porno!
Jacob: oh is that the time? I have to go ??
Jess: DAMN IT JACOB HAVE SEX WITH ME!!!
Reon bursts through the door
Reon: did I hear right! Can I join I know I?m biting the bullet here ? don?t ask what the bullets an innuendo for
Jacobs playing his game
Jacob: sure you take this one reon I?ll go stand in the corner over there you won?t even know I?m here
Jess kicks reon out of the room and locks the door then 10 minutes later jacob walks out zipping his pants up
Reon: good job jacob you finally lost your virginity!
Jacob: whats a virginity?
Reon: its umm that little thing that?s beside your bladder
Jacob: oh my god not that!!! I must find it too the lost and found!!
Reon: ??? I?m kinda scared but slightly intrigued as to where this goes.
Jacobs searching through the lost and found box a Christian girl walks up to him lets call her jill
Jill: can I help you find something sinner
Jacob: kinda uncalled for you don?t even know me.
Jill goes all exorcist and climbs onto the roof hissing at jacob
Jacob: ??? hmm maybe she has my virginity come here little demon ... girl?
Jill then comes down handing Jacob a bible I see you?ve played knifey demony before
Jacob: ?? my virginity would have been better stupid god?s messenger!!
Lightning strikes reon again
Reon: DAMN IT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!
End scene
Scene 4
4 hours 30 minutes to formal
Reon and Travis outside office and a hot girl walk past
Travis hits Reon on the shoulder
Travis: dibs!
Reon: no fair I want to do dibs!!
A grandma walks past Reon hits Travis in the shoulder
Reon: dibs!!
Travis looks worryingly at Reon, an older man steps out we will call him bill, and grabs Reon
Reon: keep her fresh for me
Travis: how you expect me to do that go back in time and shove her in a freezer?
Bill: now reon I see you?re a fairly good student and you wanna take advantage of our dating service?
Reon: yep I take advantage of lots of things like last week I took advantage of 5 different kids
Bill: ??.. ME TOO!!! I?ll just get all the paperwork done and well find you a hot date
A hot chick walks in Reon hits bill in arm
Reon: dibs!!
Bill: that?s my wife?!?!?!?
Reon: yeah but I called dibs
10 minutes later Travis walks in and Reon?s tied to a log going into a wood chipper
Bill: now Mr Travis I like what I see here so well defiantly get you into our program
Another hot chick walks past travis hits bill on the shoulder
Travis: dibs
Bill: that?s my daughter
Travis: okkkk I?ll go ?. With that 1 DIBS!!
Bill: my niece
Travis: man you?ve got good genes!
5 minutes later both reon and trabby attacheted to the log its then hit by lightning
Reon: DAMNIT I DIDN?T DO ANYTHING THIS TIME!!!
End scene
Scene 5
3 hours till formal
Kahlia writing a letter narration plays over as she writes it
Dear Mr Sparrow who looks oddly similar to Edward scissors hands
today I have formal and I have been unable to gain a date so I?m allowing you the opportunity to take me. Now before you say yes note I?m not a stalker fan I only have like 18 strands of your hair and I?m sure my restraining order could be lifted for once. I mean 1 statement about how I?m gonna chop you into little pieces and BOOM and it?s like I said something to upset you ??.. Sorry I had an itch, hey jess how are ya nah I?m not doing anything important what?s that YOU HAD SEX!!! Bad jess bad!! ?. I can?t stay mad at you come here ya loveable woman!! ? fine leave then I don?t need you I have others to talk to ?. Oh god I?m alone. So in conclusion if you don?t take me to formal my last statement still stands, yours sincerely kahlia P.S I?m still gonna kill you one day
She looks at reon who?s reading the letter
Kahlia: so what do you think?
Reon cowering in the corner stares at kahlia the doorbell rings
Kahlia: ohh that must be him now!!!!
Reon: but you still haven?t sent it
Kahlia: that?s just a formality
Kahlia runs to the door and a pizza boy at the door kahlia throws a burlap sack on him and starts throwing him into the wall until all movement stops in the sack reon slowly edges towards the door away from kahlia
Kahlia: this has been the perfect day, now if only that pizza could get here
End scene
Scene 6
3 hours before formal elsewhere, Deanna and Jodie are getting ready.
Deanna: Oh I?m so excited for tonight.
Jodie: What?s tonight?
Deanna: the formal!!!
Jodie: Oh okay then!... Wait, what?s a formal?
Deanna: A party thingy you go to? I don?t know much about it but this instructional DVD will help you? for only $99.99? And if you buy it in the next 20 minutes, we?ll throw in a second copy for free!
Jodie: Why would I need a second copy of the same DVD.
Deanna: Shutup! So order now on this number 888 888 888.246434.
Jodie: Since when has their been decimals in phone numbers?
Deanna: Me and Declan are splitting the bills half way so to make sure it?s accurate, we split our phone line in half.
Jodie: So can I put the educational DVD on?
Deanna: DO you HAVE $99.90?
Jodie: I have $10 dollars in my bag.
Deanna: Now let me see here? $99.90 take $10? Then you have to divide it by three to get the amount of the?. Then you have to power it by five and? Yep you?re alright.
Jodie takes the educational DVD and puts it into the TV. The TV explodes.
Deanna: JODIE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!
Jodie: well you see, the script instructed me that Jodie puts the dvd into the tv? Bloody hell these script writers aren?t very good at writing out instructions.
Deanna: But my tv??
Jodie decides to make a run for it and gets up lifting the tv as her hand is still stuck in it. She then jumps out the window, but gets stuck halfway as the electrical cord is still plugged into the wall. Jodie hangs there, sighing.
2 hours, 59 minutes and 20 seconds and 24 miliseconds and 50 nanoseconds and?. And?. Shit? till formal
Declan, Reon, Ayrton and Travis are all seated at a table, filled with papers and blueprints of Deanna?s body.
Travis: So as I was saying, if we attack this region (points to her groin) then she will most definitely release her toxic spray and you won?t be able to see for the rest of the night.
Reon: Bravo Travis, you?ve done an excellent job at explaining all of Deanna?s defence mechanisms to poor Declan here, who doesn?t seem to understand the first thing about women? girls? females? chicks?
Ayrton: Did I tell you about the time I got a pony
Travis: SHUTUP WILL YOU! WE DON?T WANT TO HEAR THE TALE AGAIN ABOUT HOW POOR GEORGE GOT RUN OVER AND?
Ayrton (interrupting): George got run over? When? When did this happen?
Reon: Didn?t we tell you the story? Oh well okay then, well you see George was one the road and Travis was driving a truck blindfolded?
Travis throws his shoe at Reon and he falls on the ground.
Travis: And I swerved out of the way and missed George, but then George fell dead and died for some random reason.
Ayrton: You must know what killed him?
Reon gets back up on his chair.
Reon: And the truck hit him at full speed and? ow Travis you kicked me!
Travis: So anyway, yeah George died, we don?t know what killed him though?
Reon: And there was tyre marks all over OW stop kicking me?. All over him and?
Travis?s foot smashes up into the table and is jammed there.
Ayrton: woah?. Who wants to hear about how I got my pet barbie?
Travis: SHUTUP! Now Declan we must make you the most sexiest man tonight so Jodie will never leave you!
Ayrton: I thought she was dating Deanna?
Travis: Yes well? You wouldn?t want Jodie to leave you because then you wouldn?t have any friends?
Ayrton: Makes sense!
Travis: And I know the greatest film that every girl loves.
Ayrton: Bridget Jones?s Diary?
Travis: No
Declan: Ocean?s Eleven?
Travis: No
Reon: Brokeback Mountain?
Everyone stares at Reon
Reon: I thought it was a good movie?
Travis: No the movie is Pride and Prejudice?. I think?. Anyways what we?re going to do is get a horse drawn carriage and you?re going to look like the sexy man off the movie? So first thing?s first? We need some side burns.
Travis pulls out some scissors.
2 hours till formal
Jacob is still looking for his virginity.
Jacob: Hello? Mr. Virginity!!! Are you there.
Jess: What the hell are you doing Jacob??
Jacob: I?m looking for my virginity? I supposedly lost it somewhere.
Jess: Honey? Sit on the bed with me and I?ll explain where it went.
Jacob sits on the bed and then jumps up.
Jacob: Someone?s underneath the blankets!!
They throw the blankets off the bed to reveal the pizza boy dressed up as jack sparrow, wearing a pizza hat and holding a pizza box.
Jacob: My virginity must be in there!
Jacob jumps on top of the pizza jack sparrow. Jess pulls him off.
Jess: JACOB! You lost your virginity when you had sex with me alright!
Jacob thinks for a minute, then understands.
Jacob: SO my virginity is inside you!
Jacob pulls out a knife and chases Jess out of the room. Kahlia and Reon then enter the room.
Kahlia: See! I told you that it?s johnny depp!
Reon: No that?s jack sparrow, gosh!
Kahlia: What?! No wait I mean? Johnny Depp is the person who plays Jack Sparrow.
Reon: I don?t get you.
Kahlia: He IS Jack Sparrow.
Reon: HOLY CRAP! That?s like the biggest twist in the movie ever! Even bigger twist then brokeback mountain!
Kahlia: Do you ever shutup about that movie?
Reon: It was a good movie
Kahlia: Whatever? So who?s your date for formal?
Reon: Oh I?m just about to do that. I will see you in half an hour, I?m going out.
Reon then opens the cupboard door and goes inside, shutting the door behind him. Kahlia opens the door, calling out Reon?s name. She then shines a torch in the cupboard to show a huge hole on the other side of the cupboard shaped like Reon.
2 and a half hours till something happens that could change the entire universe!!! But instead of showing you that, we have to show you this formal thingy.
Reon and Ayrton are walking into a retirement home.
Ayrton: This is your grand idea of getting a date to formal? Asking out older people? Hey don?t they have to be going to our school to go to the formal?
Reon: Yeah I?ve got that sorted.
Reon hands Ayrton an ID card that has the name Travis Griffths and a photo of an old woman taped over Travis?s photo.
Ayrton: You seriously think this will work?
Reon: Yeah definitely. It worked on Mission Impossible
Ayrton face palms.
2 hours and 15 minutes till formal
Reon: Travis!! Where?s your date.
Travis: Oh you wait, I?ve got an excellent idea that will get all the girls to love me and want to be my date.
Reon: Well you?d better hurry up we?ve got about 2 hours until the formal starts.
Travis: Oh I?m doing it at the formal? I?m going to get the girls AT the formal.
Reon: How are you going to do that? OOOO! Are you going to do that scene from brokeback mountain where?
Travis: Reon, one more word about brokeback mountain and I?m going to make sure that the only way you will ever be able to take a crap is through your penis..
Reon: OOO! So it comes out of my penis like the ice cream comes out of the things at McDonalds.
Travis: Oh god.
Formal starts in 15 minutes.
People are outside the hall, ready for the formal. A bit down the road, Declan is attaching the horses to the carriage. Travis is brushing the horses, when a hot chick walks past them, taking an interest in Travis. Travis then pulls out a shotgun.
Travis: A girl like you needs protection on a night like this.
The horse then sneezes, scaring Travis. Travis screams and turns around, shotting the horse. Travis looks back and the girl is chucked in a white van. The horse gets up, okay from the shot.
Travis: SHIT! Come back here you arseholes!
Travis takes a shot at the van, but he spins as he takes the shot, so bends the bullet as seen in ?Wanted?. The bullet goes around and the straight into the horse again.
Declan: SHIT! Travis you killed my horse!
Travis dives onto the horse and starts giving it CPR. It doesn?t work.
Declan: Quick Travis save my horse!
Travis starts stabbing the horse, but it doesn?t get better.
Declan: Shit Deanna?s coming out! What do we do?
Travis: I?ll drive her there in the carriage!
Declan: What do I do?
Travis: Pretend to be a horse!
Declan attaches himself to the carriage and pretends to be a horse.
Travis: No Declan, get inside the horse and pretend its still alive.
Declan jumps inside one of the stab wounds and uses the dead horse as a disguise. Deanna comes outside and Travis gets her on the carriage.
Formal Time.
Kahlia and pizza jack sparrow are sitting outside the hall, waiting.
Kahlia: So? You come here often?
Pizza jack sparrow doesn?t answer.
Kahlia: Can I kiss you now?
Pizza jack sparrow?s head falls off and starts rolling on the ground.
Kahlia: well that was an overreaction. You could have just said no.
A horse drawn carriage then stops beside them. Deanna gets out
Kahlia: Hey Deanna!
Deanna: Hey Kahlia! See what Declan did for me? Oh he?s such an amazing boyfriend. I wonder where he is now.
Declan exits the horse and walks over to Deanna. His tuxedo is now all red.
Deanna: Oh wow? Nice tuxedo?
Declan: Thank you. Now if you?ll excuse me, I have to barf in that bin over there.
Declan spews down pizza jack sparrow?s open neck. Kahlia cries and hits Declan until he stops.
Kahlia: You just spewed inside my date!
Declan: What?
Kahlia puts pizza jack sparrow?s head back on. The spew oozes out his neck.
Deanna: Oh dear.
Ayrton and Jodie turn up, doing the same thing as Deanna and Declan, except with wooden horses. Ayrton and Jodie jump out.
Jodie: Hey guys! How are you all? You ready to party!
The group is then inside the hall, and everyone is politely sitting at their table, talking softly, with jazz music playing.
Jodie: Not the effect I was going for.
Arguing is then heard outside the door. Reon is there with an old woman. Reon is showing the bouncer the old ladies ID card.
Bouncer: So your name is Travis? Seriously, this is not going to work.
Grandma: My granddaughter is 17 and has breasts the size of bowling balls.
Bouncer: Continue on.
They sit down with the rest of the group. Someone comes in running from outside.
Person: Holy crap! There?s a helicopter outside!
Everyone runs outside. Travis is on the helicopter.
Travis: So I deploy parachute now?
Assistant: No not now, later on when?
Travis pulls parachute. The parachute hits the assistant and he goes flying out of the helicopter. Travis then jumps, getting the parachute stuck in the helicopter. They crash land on the horse drawn carriage.
Deanna: Oh no the horse is dead!
Declan: Yes? Dead?
Travis climbs out victoriously, not realising he is on fire, and joins the party.
Travis: How is everyone doing. How you doing?
Travis is flirting with the ugliest chick there.
Ayrton: Even I would date him after that? Why the hell is he going for the ugly chick there.
Jodie: Because he?s not a pig like the rest of you men?
Reon: No its part of his plan, he makes the hot girls jealous.
Everyone looks at Jodie.
Jodie: Bloody pigs these days.
Ayrton: Now I?ve run out of things to say here? so Let?s just dance!!!
So everyone dances. Travis is still burning and ends up on the floor having a seizure. Declan spins around and blood flies out everywhere. The grandma decides to do a twist and hits reon with her saggy breasts. Jodie and Ayrton are both wearing dresses and dancing and lifting their dresses above their knees, with all the boys watching. Kahlia keeps trying to dance with pizza jack sparrow, but spew keeps coming out everywhere.
Meanwhile, elsewhere.
Jess is attached to dissecting table. Jacob is coming closer with a kit of tools.
Jacob: I WILL get my virginity back! I WILL have it BACK!!!
Jess screams and then everything goes black
Jacob (OOV): oooo! Look at the blood! It?s like a big fountain! AHHH! My eye?s!
To be continued?.. if this is even any good to continue on from
