Metal Works

1
Fade in:
Scene opens inside a taxi is a driver and an old lady in the backseat.
The driver is MARTEN, he is 31 and scruffy with facial hair and an old T-Shirt the old lady is Ms Bailey.
Marten
Eventually I just couldn?t look the cows in the eyes anymore, that moment that the light blinks out of them forever and you see it replaced by the void gives me chills (inhales from his cigarette) so I started driving the cab.
Ms. Bailey
That?s nice dear, only could we get moving we have been parked here for a while now and I really do need my heart medication.
Marten
Right you be, (tosses cigarette out the window but window is up and it hits Marten in the face) Shit! Of course this is all just something to do until my band takes off. We?re called Slaughterhouse I thought of the name, just came to me, I don?t know how, no big deal. You mark my words Ms Bailey we are going to be the biggest thing since Sliced Bread.
Ms. Bailey
You mean Sliced Bread the Norwegian grindcore band?
Marten
You do listen!
Voice on the car/taxi radio
Base O.S.
Marten a letter came for you here at the base for some reason.
Marten screeches on the breaks.
(More)
2
Marten
That would be our back stage passes to Sean Kytes yes DEE Sean Kytes. Just open it to be sure.
Base O.S.
Why are you getting letters delivered here?
Marten
What?
Base
Why is your mail coming here? I won?t open it till you tell me.
Ms. Bailey
I hate to be a bother but my heart medicine...
Marten
(Interrupting)
I?m on the phone Ms. Bailey
Ms Bailey
I?m sorry you are right, this seems far more important.
Marten takes a moment.
Marten
The postman won?t come around since he got bitten.
Base O.S.
You have a dog?
3
Marten
No it was Johnny. He doesn?t trust people in Uniform ever since he was molested by that clown. It pretty much ruined his 29th birthday.
Base O.S.
Clowns don?t wear uniforms do they?
Marten
See that?s where it becomes murky, Johnny seems to not be able to distinguish. Although it did explain him wearing a ye olde town crier uniform to a wedding.
Base O.S.
You know what, this is on me I fucking asked and this is on me. Look it is those fucking pass things I?ll leave them here.
Marten
(dramatic pause)
Oh my God! (Shocked) I just realised It is all happening I mean it is really happening. Strap in Ms Bailey destiny a waits no man.
Base O.S.
Good to see you aren?t blowing this out of proportion.
Marten
Think about this, soon we won?t have to speak to each other ever again.
Base
Oh well that I like.
The car revs wildly
4
Ms. Bailey
Oh Dear!
Car stalls.
Marten
In my haste I tried to start in 3rd gear. I see that. I see that now, this is somewhat embarrassing especially after my little ?oh destiny a waits bit?.
Base O.S.
Just Go.
Marten
Yup.
EXT - SHOPPING AREA - DAY
Car screeches to a halt outside a pharmacy death metal blaring, Ms. Bailey stumbles out.
Marten
No tip Ms. Bailey?
Ms. Bailey
Yes, I seem to have messed myself dear because you were dicking about, I recommend you clean that.
Marten looks into the backseat in disgust.
Marten
(dry heaving)
Oh God how does it smell of porridge and unreturned phone calls?!
Ms Bailey gives him the finger as she enters the pharmacy.
5
Marten
Ha I can?t stay mad at her especially when she pays me in painkillers. (Martin pops a few)
Marten takes out a phone and dials a number.
INT ? TATTOO PIERCING PARLOUR - DAY
Gothic dressed JENNY 25 is in a piercing/tattoo shop is working on a man?s crotch putting in a piercing. The camera is overhead aimed down through the customers legs throughout, gothic metal is pumping, her phone rings, she turns down the music to answer.
Jen
Hello
EXT Marten is standing in a car wash power hosing out the back of his taxi.
Marten
Hey it?s me are you sitting down?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
Jen
As a rule, always yes.
Marten
Cool, stop whatever you?re doing and pay attention to me.
Jen
Calling me because you need someone to pay attention to you, very you but alas no can do good buddy, doing a cock piercing, it?s like writing your name on a grain of rice (To the customer). No offense.
Marten
Okay well here goes?? We Won!
Jen stands up in shock and the man screams out in agony.
6
Jen
Wait I already knew that. You made me stand up you dick. Oh and this guys dick is pretty messed up.
Marten
That doesn?t concern me at all. We have three days to get ready, this all feels so surreal. Passes arrived this is really happening. This is the year of slaughterhouse OINK OINK
Jen
Did you just....?
Marten
I instantly regretted it.
Blood sprays in her face.
Jen
Okay gotta gusher call the guys bye.
Marten
Okay I?ll see you ok you are already gone.
Jen looks down at the man
Jen
On the upside the swelling gives the illusion of mass. (Shouting down the hall) Mindy get some towels it happened again. Listen (speaking to the man again), I?m legally obligated to tell you that for tax purposes this establishment is technically a parish.
Man
Am I gonna die?
Jen
More than likely not. But we?re a parish not a hospital so what do we know (chuckles to herself)
7
Man stares at her in disbelief.
Jen
(Awkwardly)
We?re not laughing about this yet, I see that now.
Man
(Terrified)
Will you hold my hand?
Jen
(Awkwardly)
I?ll just go check on those towels.
Quick Cut:
INT - DOCTORS OFFICE ? DAY
A plaque on a red brick wall that says Dr. Johnson, Oncologist. Inside the office there is a man cleaning out the medical waste bins. JOHNNY 30 a semi intelligent degenerate and best friend to Marten his phone rings.
Johnny
(Answering)
Hello Johnny medical waste we take your drugs.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
Marten
That?s not a good logo Johnny.
(Cont)
8
Johnny
Well I got it put on the van and 1000 key chains so might as well roll with it. You weren?t happy with ?give me your discharge? you are impossible to please, although I confess having we take your drugs on the side of the van has given the police food for thought.
Marten
It?s a pretty serial killer-esque van to begin with
Johnny
Is there a reason you are calling or is it just to mock my profession.
Marten
Shit, yeah I forgot. The back stage passes came finally.
Johnny
Oh wow this is really happening. I was starting to think this day would ne....
Johnny sits on the medical waste bag.
Johnny
Just sat on some hypodermics.
Marten
That doesn?t concern me. We better rehearse this evening, we worked hard to win that battle of the bands we can?t piss it away now.
Johnny
We threatened people with violence so they wouldn?t sign up and were the only band with members over 16 that participated.
Marten
All that threatening was hard work. Be there this evening we got a lot of work to do.
9
Johnny
I dunno man I?m starting to feel kinda funky. I?m more mushroom soup than heavy metal.
Marten
Don?t even think about it ass-hat. This is too damn important.
Johnny
Marten I currently have a big needle inside my asshole and I can only hope it?s the cure to needle last week which also ended up in my asshole. I don?t wanna be the second person to ever die of ass rabies
Marten
Your father was a good man and he will be missed Johnny.
Johnny
Do you think he is in heaven looking down on us?
Marten
No Johnny. He doesn?t exist anymore he died of ass rabies and now he is bones in a box. I better call hedgehog I?ll never get him off the phone, chirpy asshole, my place one hour no excuses.
Johnny stares at his phone horrified by Martens Comments. Marten hangs up and begins texting.
Exterior ? Roadside ? Day Time
HEDGEHOG is a 34 year old Drummer who is the large framed docile punching bag of the group. He is picking up roadkill with a shovel the road kill in question is a hedgehog. His phone rings.
Hedgehog
Hello?
Intercut phone conversation
Marten
Passes came three days, my place one hour. No bullshit.
10
Dead phone line.
Hedgehog
Oh hey Marten yeah.....hello?
Hedgehog hangs up the phone and looks again at the steamrolled hedgehog on his shovel and makes his way to a road kill lorry.
INT - BAND PRACTISE SPACE - NIGHT
Marten is on Bass and Vocals, Jenny and Johnny on guitar and Hedgehog on drums. They play the end of a song and are clearly exhausted.
Marten
Okay everyone good hussle I just need to rehydrate. (Marten takes a mouthful of whiskey and knocks back a few tablets)
Johnny
That was good, really all that?s left to do is get drugs.
Jen
I dunno man, this is our shot and I?m already on a juice cleanse. I wanna be at my best I haven?t pooed in 53 hours and when I do my shit smells like the inside of a tractor mower (lights up cigarette) I have never felt better in my life I may legitimately never die.
Marten
I think I?m with Jenny I mean do we really need drugs?
Johnny
Says the man addicted to painkillers.
Marten
Hey, these are prescribed!
11
Jenny
Not to you!
Marten
Splitting hairs.
Johnny
Okay let me put it this way. We are sharing a stage with the legendary Sean Kytes while standing in front of thousand of metal fans who paid good money to see a hardcore show and we present them with Hedgehog.
Hedgehog
I?m getting a little tired of being the butt of all....
Johnny
(Interrupting)
Not now hedgehog...
Hedgehog
Sorry go ahead.
Johnny
Also what about Jenny here? All of the charisma and sex appeal of boil in the bag rice.
Jenny
Fuck you.
Johnny
Or you Marten (getting close to martens face) all eyes on you watching and judging, watching and judging and.......
Marten
Don?t say it.
12
Johnny
(Speaking right into his ear)
Tweeting.
(MORE)
Marten
(Distraught)
People on the internet are so mean.
Johnny
E-Harmony is not for the faint hearted. So it is settled we need to get baked off our tits no matter how small they are Jen or Fat they are Hedgehog.
Jen
I may actually kill you and when I do you will know why.
Marten
Man has a point however this drug issue would involve the slimy awful scum that I wouldn?t debase myself with so I?ll leave that to you Johnny.
Johnny
Smart. I have a contact, I know I can get me something vulgar.
Johnny Exits.
Hedgehog
I?m 3 weeks sober guys so maybe I shouldn?t take any.
Jen
Take the class A drugs with water.
13
Hedgehog
Oh ok yeah I guess that could work. Thanks Jenny.
Jen
(To hedgehog)
Shush.
Marten
While I think of it here?s everyone?s back stage passes and vile of Sean Kytes sperm if he asks we ingested it and it made us one. (Marten hands them out and they are received cautiously) He is so cool. I?m not doing it don?t get me wrong but that is such a power move.
Hedgehog drinks a vial.
Marten
Hedgehog Jesus Christ! You drank it all?
Hedgehog
I thought I was supposed to.
Jen
Maybe it does have power like Sean Kytes thinks.
Marten
Yeah you see Sperm doesn?t have any special powers Jen you twat. Maybe he was doing an impersonation of you on a Sunday morning?
Jen
Fuck you! Why the fuck are we piling up on me? Hedgehog is the one who drank the spunk
(Cont)
14
Marten
I thought men piling up on you was your favourite pass time, but to make my case, hedgehog how do you feel right now?
Hedgehog
I feel sick and unworthy of love. I don?t know why I did it. What?s wrong with me?
Jen
Okay I admit it, throw in daddy issues and that is me in a nutshell.
Marten nods.
DISSOLVE TO:
Run Down Apartment Block ? Interior - Evening
Johnny walks down a rundown hallway. Lights flicker overhead and transients and prostitutes lie innocuously in doorways the camera walks down the hall Johnny?s POV as Johnny is solicited and keeps walking.
Angle on-
Johnny
Right 127 this is the address I was given.
Vagrant Drug Dealer
(Sitting under a blanket in a doorway)
Hey, HEY! Are you looking for (whispering) drugs.
Johnny
Yes.
15
V Drug Dealer
You a cop?
Johnny
No, you?
Drug Dealer
I aint no cop, butchoo gotta tell me if you is.
Johnny
That?s not true but yes I?m sure. I?m a musician.
Drug Dealer
Hey man this is the twenty something century, cops can be musicians.
Johnny
I?m not a fat ass who plays a brass instrument in a marching band like a dickhead. I?m more flowing locks on a mountain edge playing guitar in cold rain type. Perhaps it?s November. About that time of year and in the rain.
Drug Dealer
In my experience cops are wankers but that sounded a bit more douchey. I am slightly more convinced.
Johnny
Cops have been known to sleep in hallways and smell like piss and buckfast.
Drug Dealer
(Pondering)
Good point. You passed the test.
The Transient stands up, takes off a fake beard and pull away tramp clothes to reveal a well dressed man underneath who shoves by Johnny and opens the door.
(Cont)
16
Drug Dealer (former transient)
Better come in then. Shirley get the mans coat.
Johnny
What? Who? Shirley, you can?t be serious.
The prostitute gets up shakes off her hair and suddenly is transformed into a well dressed model who then walks down the hallway and takes Johnny?s coat and ushers him in.
Enter the Apartment
The apartment looks pristine and high maintenance. Johnny is handed a scotch and offered a seat by the man.
Drug Dealer
(With a Spanish accent)
Welcome to my home please sit, you may call me........The Turk.
Johnny
Oh you?re Turkish?
Drug Dealer
No.
(The Drug Dealer is now known as The Turk)
Johnny-
...................
The Turk
................
Johnny
So!
17
The Turk
Yes! You were put in touch with me because you needed something special, something new.
Johnny
Something powerful.
The Turk
Yes I heard.
The Turk clicks his fingers and his assistant Shirley appear with a pillow covered in a cloth she removes the cloth revealing two shining silver Uzi?s.
The Turk
These are easily concealed high velocity .......
Johnny
(Interrupting)
Drugs, I wanted drugs not firearms!!
The Turk
Ha yes, I am sorry I forgot that is my next client nice fellow, very religious. For you I have this.
The Turk removes a small Vial from his pocket with a white viscous powder.
Johnny
What?s that?
The Turk
It has NO NAME. They call it..........The Powder
Johnny
So it is named the powder.
The Turk
It has no name so they call it the powder.
18
Johnny
So it is NAMED the powder?
The Turk
It has no name.
Johnny
That?s liquid.
The Turk
Right.
(Continued)
Johnny
That liquid is called the powder?
The Turk
Exactly!
Johnny
That liquid is called the powder and it has no name?
The Turk
We are on the same page now.
Johnny
What does it do?
The Turk
Why tell you when I can show you! You see I?m planning on making this big and I figured the best way is an infomercial so I shot the whole thing over a weekend in Portugal with my children and I spared no expense Shirley roll the tape!
(Cont)
19
Shirley
Sir that was a dream.
The Turk
(Confused)
Are you sure?
Shirley
Yes Sir. Sir you have no children.
The Turk
(Reflecting)
I don?t? I can still smell the jasmine from little Suzies shampoo. Alas it is probably for the best. To answer your question it makes coke look like skittles and skittles look like a can of strained prunes left open in the sun. You may experience some memory loss and taken in excess visions of ancient Gods too terrible to name but that?s no big deal right?
Johnny
Memory loss, terrible Gods , fine sounds good I?ll take 4 vials.
The Turk
You a cop?
Johnny
NO!
The Turk
Yes sorry, this is good product man closest I can give you to an adrenaline shot straight to the heart. Pulp Fiction bitch. I did that once. Technically the hospital did it to me. Want to hear the story?
Johnny
(Impatiently)
I?ll take 4 vials.
20
The Turk
And a gun?
Johnny
Dude!
The Turk
I got kids to feed man.
Johnny
This label says this couch is made from Ostrich leather and you just admitted to not having kids. You are wearing cuff links which instantly makes you a rich sociopath, emphasis on rich I?m sorry I called you a sociopath.
The Turk
(Spaced out)
What is this about kids? I can get one here in 2 hours if you don?t mind a brown one.
Johnny
I see now how you remain so elusive I genuinely don?t think people would believe me if I told them about you.
The Turk
(Suddenly smoking a crack pipe)
Yeah, I am how you say? An enigma. Want to hit?
Johnny
(Pausing)
Yes please.
The Turk
Wait what were we saying about kids you need some kids?
21
Johnny
I?m leaving how much do I owe you?
The Turk
400
Johnny
Motherfucker. This shit better be the bomb.
Turk
Bomb?
Johnny ignores him hands him the money and leaves he opens the door and the next client is standing there he a small framed young man holding a thick wooden cross and a wad of cash.
Johnny
Who are you?
Young Man
I am the angel of death.
Johnny
Yeah I?m in a metal band too. Turk your next client is here.
The Turk
You guys cops?
Dissolve To:
INTERIOR ? BACKSTAGE ? NIGHT
A sound tech, Hedgehog Marten and jenny are sitting around having beers and tuning instruments.
Jen
Fuck I?m nervous.
(Cont)
22
Marten
Yeah me too. Hedgehog you nervous?
Jen
(Interrupting)
Where is Johnny?
Marten
I am gonna be so pissed if he finally got himself murdered.
Jen
Yeah that would be something he would do. The prick, get murdered tonight of all nights.
Marten
Asshole.
Hedgehog
Yeah I?m nervous too guys.
Jen
What?
Hedgehog
I?m just saying that I am nervous.
Marten
What has that got to do with Johnny? Christ sake Hedgehog.
Jenny proceeds to pour straight gin into a thick green liquid already in her glass. Marten starts to pace.
Sound tech
Sound checks in 5 minutes guys.
(Cont)
23
Jen
Oh fuck!
Marten
Welp! That?s us fucked.
Enter Sean Kytes a mix between Marlyn Manson and Mick Jagger.
Kytes
Hello All. I......(CRASHING THUNDER) am Sean Kytes.
Tech
He made us rig up that sound.
Kytes Silence (with venom) Tech-ni-cian!
Marten
(Impressed)
Such a power move.
Kytes
(To Marten)
Who might you be?
Marten
I am Marten Mr. Kytes sir it is an honour and a privilege.
Kytes
Yes, I rather reckon it is. You must be the competition winners hmm?
Kytes Moves on towards Jenny while Marten is answering.
Marten
Yes Sir we are Slaughterhouse and we worked our butts off to get here and are grateful for the? you are not listening to me anymore are you?
24
Kytes
(Motioning towards Jenny) Who is this ravishing creature?
Jen
I?m Jen Mr. Kytes.
Kytes
Call me Sean please Jen was it?? It rolls of the tongue. I shall remember this name, Jen.
Jen Blushes uncontrollably.
Tech
2 minute warning guys.
Marten
Balls Johnny you cock. Unless he has been murdered I?m going to murder him.
Kytes
(To Jenny) To be continued.
Jen
Oh god fizzy knickers!
Kytes
Excuse me?
Jenny
I said....shiver me timbers.
Marten
Smooth cover Captain Whore.
(Cont)
25
Kytes
That makes no sense. You intrigue me Jenny.
Jenny stumbles out of the room humiliated. Marten and Hedghog begin to exit, Hedgehog turns to Kytes.
Hedgehog
You are in me.
Dramatic thunder.
Technician
Sorry I accidentally, sorry....
Kytes
(To hedgehog) I know my boy.
All but Kytes leaves. Moments later Johnny bursts in he is excitable and feeling great.
Johnny
Where is everyone?
Kytes
You?re little friends I assume? They are gone onto stage I don?t believe we have been introduced I am (Dramatically) Sean Kytes.
Johnny
.........
Kytes
.....Nobody on the thunder machine oh, that is disappointing, who might you be?
Johnny
I?m late sorry Tights was it? I am Johnny.
26
Kytes
Fascinating
Kytes grabs Johnny?s face and closely inspects his dilated pupils.
Johnny
What is this? What are we doing? Is this some weird European shit?
Kytes
This. This thing I see in your eyes I want this give me this.
Johnny
No can do it?s just for us I?m afraid so back off mate. I tell you what though if you could have a coffee waiting for me when I get back I would be very grateful.
Kytes
You think me an assistant (breaking character) I am the main act you little shit.
Johnny
This is awkward so I?m leaving cause of how awkward I feel. (To himself) Smooth.
Johnny backs away grabs his guitar drops his bag and exits.
Kytes waits a second and rummages through his bags finding 3 vials.
Kytes
Seems a fair trade I think. (begins ingesting the vials and is suddenly very high) ooooh yeah daddy like
Kytes seen from behind continues to masturbate while drinking all 3 vials.
INT - On stage playing the last few notes of a tune. ? Night
Enter Johnny.
Marten
Where the actual fuck have you been?
27
Johnny
I got caught up getting(whispering) the drugs and have ingested half of my drugs (winking) if you catch my drift. Nuff said nuff said. Let?s do this.
Johnny picks up his guitar plugs it in and plays a bad ass solo. Everyone is shocked.
Marten
Alright......... Fuck it from the top.
A short Montage of guitar-centric music and a few mins later it?s over
Hedgehog
More Anger in my monitor please.
Jen
More bass in my monitor and a tad more hopelessness. Johnny can you hear everything?
Johnny sees a fly in the distance he can clearly hear it buzzing and flapping its wings the fly appears as if close to him.
Johnny
I. Hear. Everything!!
Marten
We haven?t started the show Metal Jagger calm down. Though I gotta admit you got some good energy going for you.
Tech Voice (Over PA)
You guys good?
Johnny
I am good. No side effects bar this rage boner.
(Cont)
28
Marten
(Unfazed) Yeah we?re all good I think thanks.
Tech Voice
Rage Boner? Never mind. Want to go for one more?
Jen
We probably should guys, or......OR we could go take drugs.
Marten
Subtle. This has all been very subtle.
Everyone walks off stage without speaking.
Tech Voice
So I?m guessing that is a no?
Quick Cut
INT ? Green Room - Night
Enter Johnny Jenny Marten and Hedgehog.
Johnny picks up the vials which now contain semen and hand them out.
Johnny
Down the hatch.
Johnny finishes off the half vial in his pocket everyone else drinks cum.
Marten
Salty, not completely unpleasant.
Jen
It is, what word are my looking for, Earthy.
29
Marten
That is it. It has an Earthy quality.
Hedgehog
This is clearly Cum.
Marten
Oh hedgehog you gotta let that go dude. Few minutes time you are gonna be flying high.
Johnny
Few minutes? That shit hit me straight away.
Marten
Really?
Jen
Oh. Well, yeah wow that?s good stuff I?m feeling it. Yeah definitely feeling it now.
Marten
As am I. I am also feeling it.
Jen
Then we are in agreement.
Marten
Indeed.
Jen
We are both now feeling it.
Marten and Jenny pretend to be high while mimicking everything Johnny does.
Sometime later in the same room the sound tech enters.
30
Sound Tech
Okay guy?s crowd is here and rearing to go, this is it. 5 mins.
Jen
I can feel them I can feel their energy.
Sound Tech-
Okay weird. You guys seen Kytes?
Marten
No but I imagine he is around here somewhere as I too can feel energy and heat general vibes.
Johnny
Shut up Marten, no aint seen him. Okay gang lets huddle this is it.
Marten
Yeah this is it gang.
Jenny
Like Marten I also feel that this is it.
Johnny
I?m beginning to suspect you guys drank cum. On 3 let?s do this WOOHOO.
Jenny and Marten look at each other then shake their heads and laugh off the idea.
Marten
I am tripping fucking balls lets fucking do this.
Jenny
31
Yeah I am tripping so super hard.
Hedgehog just walks out slouched.
Just as the room empties a closet burst open and Kytes slumps out onto the floor eyes blood shot and mouth foaming. He is crying and covered in a bed sheet.
Kytes
Where was I just now? Guys it?s me Devon I don?t think I can play tonight I feel all starry. Anybody?
Kytes leaves the room and walks down the hall speaking meekly his mouth still foaming people are passing by far too busy to notice or help him. He approaches the side of the stage and peers out on the band behind the stage curtain he sees Johnny who is setting up his guitar and looks energised and coked up.
Kytes
He knows what?s happening to me. The starry man spoke of him.
Interior ? Central Stage - Night
The curtains are drawn and slaughterhouse are just about ready to go. The announcer peers behind the curtains.
Announcer
You guys ready?
Marten
Oh yeah I?m super pumped.
Announcer
Ok band name?
Marten
Slaughterhouse.
Announcer
Awful. Okay be ready.
32
Announcer goes back in front of the curtain but can be heard welcoming everyone to the arena.
Announcer o.s. Ladies and Gentlemen our special guests tonight hailing all the way from I really don?t know please ..........
Kytes storms onto stage.
Kytes- You (to Johnny) you did this to me.
Johnny- Buh?
Kytes
That shit you left behind I can?t feel my face but my legs hurt so much, I was in a closet with a man who spoke backwards and had nightmares for eyes. He asked me a riddle I couldn?t answer and now I have no soul. What is happening to me where am I? You fuckers I?m Devon, I mean Sean Kytes while you are nothing.
Johnny
Yeah, that sounds like an ancient and terrible evil God I was warned about this, you just had too much. On the upside at least you weren?t guzzling cum.
Kytes
What?
Announcer O.S.
(Still talking) welcome Slaughterhouse!
The curtains pull back suddenly the crowd cheers Sean Kytes is extremely shocked grabs his chest and collapses. Deathly silence falls on the arena. Jenny runs over and checks for a pulse.
Jen
He?s dead.
Continued
33
Marten
Oh my god this is terrible..........I drank cum.
?I drank cum? is picked up by the house PA. The panic and shouting comes to a grinding halt for a moment.
Hedgehog
I told you.
Marten
Not fucking helping Hedgehog.
Johnny
LETS FUCKING DO THIS!! (Starts playing alone)
Marten unplugs Johnny and walks off stage to the sound of a few coughs just as medical personnel rush the stage.
INT ?Taxi- Daytime
Marten is in his taxi laughter bellows through the car coming from the radio.
Base
He died on stage before you could play? He Tommy Coopered you right in the fucking dreams. Oh my God that is hilarious.
Marten
A man died.
Base
Which is of course tragic. I?m just picturing you guys in the van on your way home looking like you just came from Maryln Mansons funeral. Anyway the Ironically named ever flatulent Mr. Brown needs you to take him to the hospital, he has a skin tag in his asshole he needs removed so asked for you to take the much longer somehow less scenic but less bumpy route. Enjoy you fucking numpty.
Marten collapsed his head onto the Steering wheel.
34
Fade out.