EXT BUCHANAN STREET-DAY Many people walk to their work, heads down. Slight drizzle. Anonymous, no emotions. A church sign says ?Carpenter needs joiners.?
NARRATOR
Glasgow on a Friday morning. Whoever said that Friday was the start of the weekend obviously hadn't been to Glasgow. Thursday night, now that's when the weekend starts. In the city centre workers rush to work, brushing by each other, heads down, eyes fixed at a spot at the top of the street. Jesus himself could return to Earth and these people wouldn't notice. The rat race, the human race, the pointless race.
A Big Issue vendor sells his magazine. Well, tries to sell it, no-one is interested. A man sits at the side of the pavement with an empty cup, his hand is out. A business woman tries her best to avoid him. She gets distracted by an expensive pair of shoes in the shop window.
NARRATOR
Seb was a keen competitor in the race, having started it when he was 15 and still he hasn't stopped for a pit stop in the past six years. Alright, he is no rocket scientist or brain surgeon, but who is? Seb was just a normal 21 year old, a bloke you would just pass in the street, a bloke that just seemed to exist. He wouldn't change the world, be a pop star or marry a princess. Seb McGinty, Sebastian McGinty fae Dowanhill. Who would have thought that his life would end so suddenly, without him reaching his potential?
SEB stands still. The world passes quickly by. He stares at the Big Issue vendor, homeless man, the posh woman, the pigeons and a rather attractive young girl with ample womanhood.
NARRATOR
Certainly not Seb. Hey, if we knew we only had twenty one years to live would we not have done things differently? I bet we would. We wouldn't have wasted time in pubs, waiting on buses, fighting with loved ones or waiting for your Lottery numbers to come up. We would have seized life by the balls and chased the rats in the race.
Seb looks at his watch. He shakes it. It is broken. Now where did that attractive girl go? He turns 360 degrees. There she is!
NARRATOR
Time only exists for as long as there is a clock. If there were no clocks there would be no time. If there was no time then there would be no rush.
INT SUBWAY-DAY
Seb sits on the subway. He reads the posters, then again, then again. He ties his laces, then again, then again.
NARRATOR
So to Seb, the hero of the story if you could call him that. He can't fly, he's not a genius and he won't cure cancer. He isn't that sort of person. But what he is is, he is like me and you. Everything we ever wanted to do, Seb would do it. Not straight away but he will. He wouldn't stand for bullies, for tyrants and for racists, sexists or antagonists. Life is for having fun. I don't suppose I could call him a Christian, but he would help people and make sure that there was no unnecessary suffering, sometimes. He was a gentleman, well he went to the toilets with the sign on the door, but Seb, how can I sum him up?
Seb smiles to a female student sitting across. She slowly smiles back. She then ties her laces. Seb reads the posters again. He isn?t in there, no way Jose.
NARRATOR
Seb ditched that soulless part of himself that we all have. You know that part of everyone which is held in out of politeness, that part of you that looks at the floor in a subway train instead of talking to the person beside you, or turns a blind eye to the homeless man outside the shops. We are all human, we can all laugh and cry and we should all be looking out for each other. We don't need to love each other but let?s make this short time we have on this revolving rock as enjoyable as possible. I say if you make it through life without being crucified then you're doing an OK job.
INT ESCALATORS-DAY
People push by Seb to get on the escalator. It is crammed full. Seb pushes the emergency stop button. He runs up the stairs beside the escalators. His middle finger is extended like a soldier on parade. He retracts it when he sees the female student. They smile again.
NARRATOR
I introduce to you Seb, Sebastian McGinty whom I hope releases your soul and encourages you to talk to your neighbour, even if they are tossers or if they smell of piss. What have you to lose?
INT ENTRANCE TO SUBWAY-DAY
He runs onto Byres Road. Cars SKID. Taxis TOOT. People SHOUT ABUSE.
NARRATOR
Seb had to lose his life.
A plastic bag blows by. Follow it as it gains height.
It gets stuck in the branches of a tree.
NARRATOR
All those anonymous office workers are making their way to their dull, shite and boring offices. None of them look up and see the bag blowing above their heads. Just me, only I can see it. It's only a white Somerfield bag, nothing too exciting but you get the point. It's not what you see but the fact that you have seen it in the first place.
PULL BACK: There are hundreds of bags stuck to the tree.
Below people walk around, not noticing the trees, not noticing each other. One student has dreadlocks and wears a Rasta hat.
NARRATOR
What is exciting about some red balloons, a bouncy castle and some cake? Nothing too much but add in your 5 year old daughter and all her friends, the smiles and the shoes lying beside the bouncy castle. Then it is a miracle. Open your eyes and enjoy it. Don't stand behind a zoom lens of a fancy camera though, just use your own two eyes. How many parents miss out on these sights these days?
The Rasta student looks around. He goes into his bag. A policeman walks by. He stops what he is doing and looks in a shop window. The policeman has his suspicions.
NARRATOR
One thing about Glasgow is that there are so many different characters walking about. Take this one for instance. I bet he is just a Jimmy who follows the Rangers and maybe takes the odd line of charlie. But here he is walking along Byres Road dressed as a Rasta. Talk about promoting the fact that you take drugs. He might as well have a sign on his back saying,
'Hey Polis, I'm smoking the hash, but you're too stupid to know about it.'
Still, he makes people laugh and maybe the polis would turn a blind eye. Maybe he is actually a Rastafarian following their religion, who am I to take the piss out of him? But I doubt it.
The Rasta student continues in his bag. He pulls out a large joint. He licks his lips before he lights it. He COUGHS, a lot.
NARRATOR
Sure enough, look, there he is. He's sparking up a big dooby. Check the size of it. He has lit it up and it has already burnt down. The poor guy is white as a sheet.
Cars TOOT. Taxis TOOT. Men SHOUT.
FIND: A blind man crosses the road, well, staggers across the road. He carries heavy shopping bags on both arms. They are not balanced.
NARRATOR
At least I know this old guy is genuine. Old Paddy fae Ireland. With his white stick and yellow arm bands you would see that he was blind. Not only that, poor soul, but he's always drunk. Old codger, stumbling into lampposts and down stanks. Talk about being down on your luck. There he is standing in the middle of the road with cars tooting at him without a care in the world. He walks where he wants and crosses where he wants and he thinks that his white stick will protect him. Good luck to him. Still, he has his health, sort of, and his new missus.
The Rasta student offers Paddy a smoke of his joint. Paddy COUGHS, a lot
NARRATOR
Jeez oh man, she's rank, but she keeps the old boy happy. We think he must be worth a few bob as why else would she stick with him? Do you think all the drunk people you see staggering about the street actually make it home OK? I'm sure some fall into the canal and are never seen again, but I would like to think they all make it home OK.
EXT HYNDLAND ROAD-DAY
A pair of shoes hang over the telephone lines. More bags hang from yet another tree. Couples kiss and walk hand in hand. The pub on the corner is busy, people drinking outside.
NARRATOR
I perhaps should explain. It is summer, mid July and the skies are blue with the odd cloud high above. As I look right I see a pair of shoes hanging over the telephone lines, and there is a mad fat guy tying his shoelaces. I'm always amazed that I don?t see more people tying their laces, I mean we all have them and they all come undone, so why not? Surrounding me is radio One, Sky movies and some unpronounceable Asian radio station. I believe that when you are in public there is always someone watching you. Watch them back, the bastards. I'll tell you who I would like to watch all the time. Michelle from the Chemist's shop on the corner. There are two chemists, hers is the one nearest the bank. She wears a uniform and sometimes puts her hair in pig tails. What a beauty. Don't think they sell many condoms in that shop but plenty of hankies if you know what I mean.
EXT CLARENCE DRIVE-DAY
Seb drives erratically on the road. He floats between the two lanes. On closer inspection he is looking at an A to Z map.
NARRATOR
Here comes Seb now in his flower delivery van. His shop is called, "Flower Shower" and that's what they are, a right shower. That's new. On the side of the van someone has drawn a large knob and an arrow pointing to the driver. That's fucking hilarious. You know you get people writing on dirty vans. Things like;
"I wish my bird was as dirty as this van," and "also available in white."
Don't know what I would write but that knob is the best. Mikey just told me he saw a van with "Pimp my ride" written on the side. That's well quality.
Seb stops the van. Only one brake light is working. He checks left and right for traffic. There are many cars but he still opens the side doors. He looks for the right bouquet of flowers. He grabs it and has to quickly shut the van door before the number 42 bus kills him.
NARRATOR
Anyways, I introduce you to Seb who must have broken a huner mirrors when he was a boy as the amount of bad luck he has is unbelievable. I hope when you get to know him that he frees your soul from the bondage of modern day living. Maybe you might be inspired to talk to that guy who always speaks to you at the pub when he is drunk. Everybody knows one of those sort of people.
The bouquet gets trapped in the door. He leaves it and runs to the safety of the pavement. He goes back to investigate. It is ruined. He shakes it and tries to make it more presentable. It doesn?t really work.
EXT NUMBER 43 DUDLEY DRIVE-DAY
Seb looks at the intercom. There are no names. The door is locked. He checks the intercom again. He presses all the buttons. He feels his fingers. Someone has spat on the intercom. He wipes his fingers on his jeans.
A man walks out the close.
MAN
Are those flowers for me son, you shouldnae have bothered?
Seb stands looking puzzled.
NARRATOR
What will he say in reply, I mean it's pretty obvious that the fleurs aint for him. Who would send a grown man fleurs and wait outside his hoose for him? Seb's thinking.
SEB
Not unless your name is Mrs. Moir, maybe on the weekend perhaps.
The man walks away. If looks could kill?. The man quite rightly gives Seb the finger as he walks down the rest of the shaky stairs.
NARRATOR
Good comeback Seb, polite yet taking the piss right out of him. Nice one, couldnae have thought of a better reply myself. The man quite rightly gives Seb the finger as he walks down the rest of the shaky stairs to the graffiti ridden street. A street with no name. Seb always the trier walks up the close to see if he can find Mrs. Moir. Seb, go straight to the tap flair, it's always the tap. He can't hear me.
INT TENEMENT-DAY
Seb walks up the stairs. As he does so he hits the bouquet of flowers off the wall. With every passing door the hit gets harder.
NARRATOR
Slowly he walks passed the doors checking the names. Some have proper name plates and other have written their names on stickers and some right poor souls have written on the wall beside the door. Anyway Seb walks up to the top where guess what, Mrs Moir lives.
INT TOP OF STAIRS-DAY
Seb walks up the stairs. He finds Mrs. Moir?s door. He KNOCKS it several times.
NARRATOR
He chaps the door several times but there is no reply. Seb puts his head to the door to see if he can hear any movement. Give her some time Seb she probably takes ages to answer the door. Either that or she is lying dead and decomposing in the kitchen, a sign of the times where the neighbours don't check on their old folk. Remember what I said, go and speak to your old neighbours who live next door to you.
He then KICKS it. He opens his mouth over the peephole.
NARRATOR
Yeah Seb, give her a heart attack when she answers the door. He thinks its funny to open his mouth at the peephole. Just what the old bat needs, the sight of your fillings to meet her as she looks at the device which could save her life if you were a burglar or rapist. Treat them with respect Seb, you'll be old one day. On second thoughts, you won't be but you don't know that yet do you? Seb takes this opportunity to fix his hair. What a mess, he needs a haircut. Who am I to comment on the length of hair. Mine is quite long and I have to confess it's getting quite thin on top. Why do we have to lose our hair. What was evolution thinking of?
Seb looks at his watch. It is still broken. He looks impatient. He eventually throws down the flowers on the doorstep. He kicks the door before walking away.
Seb knocks the neighbour?s door. Then kicks it straight away.
NEIGHBOUR
Hold on, I?m coming. Daniel is it you?
A dog BARKS. Is YELPS as it is stood on.
NARRATOR
A dog barks. You know one of those wee shity dogs that just yaps and yaps. One of those wee shity dogs which you could probably kick over a rugby post for three points. Shity wee dogs. I suppose that means that she is in.
Many locks are opened.
NARRATOR
I hear some movement at the door. The old dear is trying to open all her locks. She must have about twenty. What if their was a fire? There would be no chance of getting out on time, imagine it, the chip pan burning down her house and she is trying to find the right Yale key.
The neighbour opens the door. Her face lights up. She thinks the flowers are for her.
NARRATOR
Oh, you've got tae gie them tae her. It will kill her to find out they aint for her. Look at that face, a face only a son could love. I hope she gets visitors, she seems such a nice old dear. Just like the granny from that Irn-Bru advert who rams into the shop with her mad motorized wheelchair. "Step away from the vehicle."
SEB
I have these flowers for your neighbour, could you pass them through to her when she comes in.
NEIGHBOUR
Old bitch, Mrs. Moir. Hope she dies soon. Smelling of piss and complaining about ma wee Lassie. Naw, fuck off and take your shite fleurs with you and don't come back.
Seb is shocked. He walks away and looks back at the door. The neighbour gives Seb the finger. Seb shakes his head. He presses the button for the lift.
NARRATOR
So much for a sweet old granny but you asked for that Seb didn't you? Naw, don't leave them at her door, the dog will get torn right into them. Take them back to the shop with you. That's right, walk away. Don't retaliate. Don't kick in her door, she's an old person, her heart couldn't take it. Seb walk away, walk away. Seb decided to take the lift down.
As he gets near the bottom of the flat he presses all the buttons on the lift ensuring it will stop at all the floors.
NARRATOR
Wait, a mad old guy is running for the lift. Hold the lift Seb. Cool, he did. I don't think I could repeat the abuse the old man shouted at Seb when he realised he had pressed all the buttons. Let's just say he got called a certain part of a females anatomy, a name which means backside in America, god sakes Tam, rhymes with tranny. You get it now. Must be Mr. Moir.
EXT DUDLEY DRIVE-DAY
Seb jumps into the van. He didn?t lock the door. He turns the radio on. He pulls out in front of a hearse. It SCREECHES.
NARRATOR
I'll never send flowers again, not like I have anyone to send flowers to. Tell you what's a good song. She's a brick by Ben Folds Five. It's about abortion. I can't remember the name of the album but the dude in the shop will know.
Seb turns into a street. Continue on the road. He disappears into the distance.
EXT GREAT WESTERN ROAD-DAY
Seb stops the van. He opens the door. CRASH. A cyclist rams into the door. Seb gets back into the van and drives off. The cyclist shakes his head. His helmet has saved his life. Witnesses try to take his license plate.
INT VAN-DAY
Seb has the windows of the van down. The radio is on full. He is smoking a fag, looking cool.
NARRATOR
Seb, turn this up. It's Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. The best band in the world. I love to play the air drums to this track. I could have been David Grohl. I saw him play the Barrowlands as the Foo Fighters. They were OK but not as good as Nirvana. Still, he needs the money so why not.
Several fit female joggers jog along the road, bounce, bounce etc.
Seb TOOTS the horn.
NARRATOR
Along Great Western Road and down Byres Road Seb drives, back to his shop. An old man waves at a car that has tooted. Seb toots and the old man waves to him also. Old fool, who would toot at you? We're tooting at the fit joggers.
EXT GREAT WESTERN ROAD-DAY
Seb abandons his van in two spaces. Seb goes into the back of the van. A bucket of water has spilled everywhere. At least five bouquets of flowers are ruined.
PAN ROUND the street scene.
FIND: A beautiful woman stands in the chemist?s window. Focus on her.
NARRATOR
There's Michelle at the window of the chemist. She's well fit. Seb don't stare at her, you're making a fool of yourself. She's got her hair in those tight pig trails again. Fuck me, what a stunner. As if she'd go out with you. You'd have as much chance pulling her as you do of wheel spinning a steam roller. When you're in love you sometimes fail to recognise the fact that you are making a fool of yourself. This isn't the movies you know. But they say love makes the world go round, so as long as everyone has a little love. Not the sort of love that can move mountains or make you cut of your ear, but love that helps the day pass quicker. I think it is that sort of love that Seb feels towards Michelle. Either that or wishful thinking.
Seb collects all the flowers under his arm. He struggles to close the van door. He narrowly misses Paddy.
INT FLOWER SHOP-DAY
Seb drops all the flowers on the floor. He goes straight to the kettle. MR. DRAKE, Seb?s boss looks very worried.
NARRATOR
Seb has his routine. Straight to the kettle. My sort of routine. Beside the kettle is empty pot noodles and a stale loaf of bread. And the milk, the milk has a life of its' own. You can tell no women work in the shop. Not that women should be there to tidy up but you know what I mean.
Mr. Drake walks over to Seb. He turns away and heads back the way. Seb signals that the kettle is on, does he want a cup. Mr. Drake signals yes. A woman admires the roses. She cuts her finger on one of the roses. Mr. Drake walks boldly over to Seb.
MR. DRAKE
Seb, can I have a word with you?
Seb continues to make the tea, looking over his shoulder.
MR. DRAKE
How has deliveries been so far everyone in or have you left a card? You've got to be a professional at all times now Seb.
SEB
Can?t complain.
MR DRAKE
Good, good, I know you can cope with the extra responsibility you are about to get.
SEB
Making the tea isn?t that hard and takes little responsibility, the way I like it.
MR DRAKE
I want you to run the business while I?m away on holiday. I got a last minute deal. I can trust you, you are responsible.
Just then the kettle explodes. What a noise. Undeterred Mr. Drake continues to look as though he trusts Seb.
Seb opens a can of Irn Bru.
SEB
So, when do you go?
MR. DRAKE
That?s my taxi outside.
SEB
Hey, you can?t leave me in charge, I need to know stuff, how to do the books, taxes, wages, and other stuff I?m sure.
MR. DRAKE
Use your common sense. On second thoughts, phone my son he may be able to help out. Anyway, that?s me off. I will send you a postcard.
Seb looks in shock as Mr. Drake leaves the shop. In the confusion the woman steals a bunch of roses. She cuts her fingers on them again but does not let out a sound.
NARRATOR
So Seb is the boss of the shop. Whatever next? Good move Seb, you just lock the front door and put the closed sign up. You fill the kettle up and make a nice brew. Everything feels better after a nice cup of tea, or two.
Seb locks the door. He looks around at his shop. He checks there is money in the till.
SEB
What a life. I hope something changes soon, a wife, a lottery win, a stereo with battery names I can pronounce, not missing the last bus and waiting like a prick for hours for nothing, finding a pen that works, getting sent a parcel I ordered and not which comes with a prize and turning on the stereo which is not set at full blast. Simple things.
Seb stares out the window, across the road to Michelle. He outs his hand on the glass. He starts to feel dizzy. His head hits the glass, hard.
NARRATOR
Seb are you alright? Seb. Shit, Seb looks like he's going to be sick. Someone get a doctor. Mrs. McGinty your son is well in pain. Lois get help. It's no use, they can't hear me. Look at the colour of his face. Looks like it's started, the tumour I mean. I wanted to tell Seb sooner but I can't interfere in his life. Anyway he wouldn't believe me. Hope he doesn't die now.
INT PUB-FRIDAY NIGHT - 8PM
NARRATOR
Seb, surprisingly enough, has a good bunch of mates. They are in third year at uni. He has known them since school. He was at uni for one year but found it too boring. The job in the flower shop is just a stepping stone in his career. I don't like talking too much when other people are around, so this is my time. Here he comes. Enjoy. I'm off for a kebab.
Seb enters the common room. The others are sitting down watching television.
SEB
Well, you know what they say, why push when you can pull?
He looks at himself in the mirror.
JOE
Did you score last night? I bet it was with Michelle from the chemist. She's nice, nice personality I'm sure.
He indicates that she has large breasts with his hands.
BILLY
Or Rachel from the video shop, she looks desperate enough, I think she would even go out with me if I asked her. I've caught her looking at the porno films. Star Virgin. Flesh Gordon. Shaving Ryan's Privates.
SEB
I love Friday nights. Work was shit though, I've been left in charge. Wish I had scored with Michelle last night though. It feels strange, I feel as though I've just won the lottery but so have thirty other people and I only get a hundred grand. I'm on cloud six, not quite cloud nine.
BILLY
Yeah I would feel gutted also, but still a hundred grand would just be enough to pay off your student loan.
JOE
Or just enough to get you a make over, some nice mascara, get your nails done, super darling.
SEB
Less of it, why mess with perfection.
JOE
I really like this girl but she said there's someone else and that she has been seeing this guy for years.
MALCOLM
Hey Billy, it's not you is it, a big attractive lad like yourself, fighting the girls off with a barge pole, or is it the other way around, I forget?
SEB
She's got taste, sophistication and a touch of class.
BILLY
I heard you can get cream for that and she fancies you because you're a rich, successful billionaire who asks for a kebab in a Chinese take-away. Hello, McFly.
He knocks on Seb's head.
SEB
Some of us have taste and so does Tina.
BILLY
So her name is Tina is it, "Tea in a mug."
SEB
No one thinks your funny, especially with that Jewish joke you keep telling. People just laugh at you and never tell you it's the wrong punch line.
BILLY
What do you mean the wrong punch line, I always tell good jokes, especially the one about the Indian, Britney Spears and the cauliflower.
SEB
Anyway, what should I do, shall I call her, or should I wait for a couple of days, oh it's so hard. What do you think Tara?
TARA
I think thoughts. I think wait a couple of days and give the shock a chance to wear off. She'll still be dreading going outside in case she meets you. That's how I felt when I first met you. I still get the shakes now and again. I always look around the corner first. You know that phrase "Not if I see you first," that's us.
MO
Why not call her late at night or at a time when she's not in, so then it's up to her to call you back?
SEB
Yeah, I could call her on a Sunday morning when she's at church, or Tuesday night when she's at the bingo, or the week-end when she's out with her boyfriend.
MO
Just trying to help.
TARA
Where in America is Kenya?
JOE
Eh, how shall I say this but Kenya is in?
BILLY
Central America, top right, far right. Why do you want to know Tara?
TARA
It's for this crossword puzzle I'm doing.
JOE
Well I would give it up now because probably all the other answers are wrong. Look, here's a word search, try that. The answers are at the back.
TARA
So are you all coming to the Halls party next month?
MALCOLM
Seeing as we live there, I guess so. I should be able to cancel the surgery and the Himalayan trek.
SEB
Can I come, even though I am not a student?
TARA
No.
BILLY
Course, get on the gash. Bring Michelle. Have you got a DJ?
TARA
Yeah, DJ Spikey is on the decks, revving it up, spinning his wheels, doing a turn.
MO
The Becks?
CLARE
No, the decks. Mo, you need to get your ears cleaned out.
MO
Is that the same as cleaning behind them. My mum always said I should.
BILLY
What wash? I agree. Yeah it is the same, kill two birds with the same stone.
MO
Why would you want to kill some birds, what have they done, poor little birdies?
BILLY
Or that time I shared this big reefer with Kati and Nikki. Those two birds definitely got stoned.
TARA
Anyway, bring lots of alcohol and munchies.
JOE
What games can we play, spin the bottle, or lock Joe up with Tara in the closet and count to 100?
TARA
100, why what will you be doing, five sit-ups?
JOE
Yeah, very funny. I have a body most men would die for.
BILLY
Anyway, back to Tara's dildo. Whose got it?
TARA
Billy, I don't own a dildo.
BILLY
That's not what I heard, a dildo, vibrator, an inflatable Ken. Oh Ken, take me to your toy ship and play with me all night you naughty toy you.
CLARE
Tara, I thought you were a good girl. Can I borrow it tonight?
NARRATOR
Nice kebab. Will leave them to it. I was going to have a few beers anyway. We're going to the pub quiz here tomorrow night. Should be fun. Don't want to tell Seb the bad news just yet, let him have fun for a bit longer. I don't want to follow him around work tomorrow, just more of the same shit. Get you back here tomorrow night.
INT PUB SATURDAY NIGHT - 8PM
NARRATOR
Saturday night down the pub. My ex just walked in. Catch you all in a bit.
SEB
Whose round is it, I need to go for a hit and miss? Round, round get a round, go get a round.
TARA
I'll get these drinks in shall I then, two pints and ten straws. Hey Colin, coming over to join us, we're doing the quiz?
COLIN
No, we've got our own team, the Scholars, and no doubt we'll be beating you.
SEB
Talking of a beating, what's the difference between an egg and a spliff?
COLIN
Don't know, don't care, couldn't care less.
SEB
You can beat an egg.
COLIN
And, oh, was that the punch line? Did you get that in a Christmas cracker?
SEB
That's the only thing you pull at Christmas.
TARA
Good name but we will be triumphant. What about if the winners buys the other team some pints?
SEB
I'll have a pint of vodka, a whiskey and some nuts.
COLIN
I'll get you some nuts shall I and you can share them. I heard Billy likes to suck on your nuts.
SEB
You cheeky muppet, I'm going to get you.
COLIN
Threats, threats. How is the Cat in the Hat these days? What new adventures has he been up to?
TARA
Just leave it Seb. He's not worth it. Hurry up and get the drinks, the quiz is starting soon.
SEB
The cat in the hat, is all that.
Seb staggers as he goes to sit down.
INT AT THE TABLE-NIGHT
BILLY
Where's Seb, he's been gone for a long time
JOE
Probably thinking about Tina, "Tea in the park."
Seb walks over to the table.
SEB
What are you saying about Tina?
JOE
We were just saying that we might go to Tea in the park next year. Guess who just walked in?
SEB
Tina?
JOE
She's come in with a cracking looking blonde. Go over and talk to her, if not I'll go over and chat up her mate.
SEB
Give me a chance, I need to have a few bevies first.
JOE
And give her a chance to get drunk also. If she's sober then you don't stand a chance.
TARA
Who had a hit with Respectable?
JOE
Kylie.
SEB
No Bananarama.
BILLY
Bananarama, do you remember them? I used to fancy the blond one.
SEB
Never mind Bananarama, what about Cheryl from Bucks Fizz? Foxy lady.
TARA
What's the answer?
MALCOLM
Mel and Kim.
JOE
How did you know that? Have you got a copy of their album?
MALCOLM
Actually I have all the Now! albums and they are on number three.
SEB
